


causers of this.

by pettycures



Series: billieverse. [3]
Category: Chris Brown (Musician), Frank Ocean (Musician), Music RPF, OFWGKTA, Odd Future, Trey Songz (Musician), Tyler the Creator (Musician)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Attempt at Humor, Best Friends, Billie is Confused, Celebrities, Developing Relationship, Dorks in Love, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, Everything is Beautiful and Nothing Hurts, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Friendship/Love, Hollywood, Love Triangles, Tyler is Hiding Something, Where is Frank?, billieverse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-27
Updated: 2019-11-03
Packaged: 2019-11-06 15:37:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 32,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17942453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pettycures/pseuds/pettycures
Summary: how can I tell if I love you anymore? / nevermind, I know I do / call you closer to my arms / you'll feel better when you're warm. part two of billieverse, title from toro y moi.





	1. run

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, right?

Not in my case. My absence was cathartic.

A couple of months ago I wanted to be free from anything that reminded me of him, even in the slightest, so at the first opportunity I packed all my shit up and left. He always said I was good at running away from my problems.

And he was always good at drinking his.

Without him around making me feel responsible for all the residual emotional baggage he’d been carrying lately I felt light enough to touch my dreams again. At the end of it all I hated the way everything I did in some way represented him, included him, comforted him, pleasured him, angered him. Him, him, him. I needed to get away. The more I did without him, the more I felt reintroduced to me.

Dyed my hair dark just because. Hung out with old friends he was never too fond of. Started working out again. Made some major moves with my business. Left California behind, threw myself into my work. Crossed another tax bracket.

I’m not proud of the act itself, though. I’m proud of my progress. But running was never my intention.

Sometimes it felt like progress just for the sake of progress. As much as it helped my spirit… emotionally, it hurt. Running away from him and those memories turned me away from some of the people that loved me most. I felt isolated. Only one relationship was to go up in flames, but all of them seemed like they would torch into ashes right in front of my eyes and all the good things that were happening were pointless without somebody to share them with.

The thought of coming back home made me anxious, inner me scared at the thought of unintentionally opening up a three month old wound that was just barely closed to begin with.

I didn’t want to end up not in control of my emotions again. Fleeing again.

My apartment had a stale smell, but everything was exactly in the way I left it. After setting my bags down and locking the door, I made it a point to open a couple windows to let some new air in.

Instincts of being back in a familiar place started to kick in and so did my old habits.

I sat my phone on the end table by the door along with my tartan backpack. I checked the fridge, made a note to go grocery shopping on the dry erase board next to it. I shuffled my suitcase into the hallway so it was out of sight, forcing me to focus on other things that needed to be done to make my space mine again. Before I knew it, my MacBook was open on the coffee table and after a shower I ended up curled into my favorite spot in the blue velvet couch nestled in the corner of my universe, reconnecting to the world.

I didn’t forget how to be comfortable in my own space, which I was worried about.

I checked a couple emails. For some reason, I made the subconscious decision to avoid social media for the past few months but something led me to check my Twitter, which, until that moment, I hadn’t been on in a while…

My mentions were a mess. I frowned.

Months of nonsense I missed, and with good reason.

Social media had turned into one of those sore spots that was still healing. It was a good way to share things. Thoughts, moments, photos, ideas…. but all of those things were attached to memories I wanted to get away from. All good things can be bad with overuse, or over-sharing, and after breaking up with Frank it was just another way to tie me to him. People made it a point to dig up old tweets, screenshots of our lives together living on forever on gossip blogs. I got tired of defending my character and my integrity. I at some point I just deleted the fucking app and started living in real life.

There were a couple tweets that made me laugh, but most of them were nothing but people assuming about what happened between me and insert name here and/or wanting to be fucking rude or nosy (which was normal). But the ones that really put me in a funk once I checked my account were the mentions from Tyler.

I knew I needed to redeem myself.

Right before I left Cali, I sent him this super cryptic text message not really explaining where I was going or what I was doing but he did seem to understand, which he always does.

We ended up texting back and forth a couple times while I was gone but nothing major. The emotional distance really put a strain on our friendship even more than the physical distance did. Even though he was understanding, he didn’t hesitate to let me know how much he disagreed with my method of dealing with shit. Which led to a couple arguments. I wasn’t in the head space to be criticized. Looking back, he never told me anything I didn’t need to hear.

I needed to talk to him. I just didn’t know what to say that could fix shit and get us back to what we had before…

Shit happens, just blow it off…. right?

Right then, I decided to FaceTime him. I sat there, barefaced, staring at my own angry reflection on the screen as it rang, biting my fingernails.

It only took a couple more seconds for his face to pop up on my computer screen and the surprised look on his face made me feel some type of way.

Had I really became  _that_ friend?

He shook his head and smiled hesitantly, “ **woooow** , **what the fuck?** ”

 **“Hi, Tyler…** ”

“ **Hi, you fucking stranger.** ”

“ **Ouuuuch. I honestly thought you weren’t gonna answer, considering...** ”

I didn’t feel like he owed me anything. After admitting that truth, he seemed bothered by the thought of that. The smile on his face dimmed and he shook his head, getting serious.

“ **I will 200 percent always answer no matter what. You home? I’m coming now**.” Before I could object, I heard the beep of the ending video call.

It didn’t take him long. It never did.

The weirdest feeling of nervousness came over me when I opened the door and saw Tyler in my doorway for the first time in God knows how long.

A part of me was expecting him to act differently. Or that maybe there would be extreme awkwardness with this whole reunion thing. Maybe even distance. Or that I would see him and the only thing I would be able to focus on is his connection with Frank.

Even though I hoped not, a big part of me was expecting the worst.

We just stood there for a while, not really knowing how to…. do this.

I fidgeted for a bit, rubbing the frayed edges of my denim shorts before opening my mouth to apologize. I owed him that at least.

All doubts went out the window when he cut me off by trapping me into the most bone crushing hug, the smell of his Chanel cologne making me laugh and bringing back some of my favorite memories. And while my face was smothered into his red and white striped polo, heart still stuck on my remorse for just leaving him out while I was at my lowest point, he reminded me that he was my best friend in the whole wide world.

Pulling back, he grabbed my face between his hands.

“ **B. Seriously dude,** **no more running. Fuckin’ - pinky promise me.** ”

I felt the weight of his words, guilt sitting like a brick on my chest and knew he wanted me to basically promise not to leave him like that again.

Nodding, we hooked pinkies.

“ **I promise.** ”

________________________________________________

Within the first week of me being in LA, things seemed to go back to normal.

As sort of an _I’m-sorry-for-ditching-you_ gift, I threw Tyler a little surprise birthday party at my place a couple days after my return home. I invited all of our friends that were in town with the help of Taco. Cooked his favorite; breakfast, and even made an obscenely large stack of birthday waffles to serve as his cake.

T seemed genuinely surprised and spent the rest of the night either stuffing his face full of waffles and syrup or randomly hugging me whenever I got close enough. We ate, listened to music, danced, talked shit, joked around… it felt amazing to be around this energy again. I didn’t realize how much I missed it until that moment, looking around at all my friends having the time of their lives…

It felt like home.

In true Tyler fashion, the kickback turned destructive - ending with him and Jasper wrestling, breaking a leg off and crippling my loveseat. He promised to fix it, shoving some magazines underneath to keep it steady for the meantime and decided at about 2 AM that it would be best to escort everybody out before something else ended up broken and I had a panic attack.

 **@fucktyler** : _BEST BREAKFAST BIRTHDAY EVER_

 **@fucktyler** : _YO_ **_@outrvge_ ** _SORRY ABOUT FUCKING YOUR COUCH HAHA YOURE THE BEST_

Taco, Ty, and Jasper stayed behind to help me clean up some along with his really pretty “ _friend_ ” Carter who seemed super cool, and we goofed off for another few hours or so before exhaustion set in. Traveling for months was fun, but I was home now and all I really wanted to do realistically was sleep for a week straight until I needed to get back to regularly scheduled programming. I got comfortable on the couch next to T, absentmindedly scrolling through my playlists while the others sat outside on my balcony and shared a blunt. Tyler nudged me gently, causing me to look up at him smiling with all his teeth.

“ **Wow. This was the best gift ever.** ”

I smiled back in reply, eyes closing as I patted his hand on the cushion. I felt him brush a piece of hair off my face but I didn’t open my eyes.

“ **I’m glad you enjoyed it, even though you broke my fucking couch.** ” The awkward silence between his response made me laugh.

“ **Shit, man… sorry, dude. I’ll make you a new couch. I promise.”**

We shook pinkies on it and then I ended up asleep. Not sure what time they left.

All I remember afterwards is being tucked into my bed and a kiss on my forehead before everything went dark…


	2. picture me rollin'

The five months I was gone, I was on the road working for Chris and promoting his _Between the Sheets_ tour. The crew welcomed me with open arms even after hearing about everything that happened…

Frank had the nerve to question my loyalty and accuse me of sleeping around on him, even after everything we’d been through together and the promises we made to each other. It was ironic that he’d spent years convincing me that he was in it for the long haul, that things would be different than my last relationship only for this one to end just like it. Depression changed him for the worst. He became distant. Irritable. Paranoid that everyone was out to get him, including me. The only thing that comforted him at rock bottom was drinking, and I didn’t want to compete against his addiction for his love. I knew I would lose.

Imagine, standing on a cliff fully prepared to jump.

Shit really took a turn for the worst on my birthday last year. I didn’t even want to celebrate it because I wasn’t happy. But against my better judgement, I planned everything with my best friends Kacie and Alex, hoping that giving myself something more positive to focus on would help me be the person he needed me to be at that time.

He dealt with being around them then more than ever - never liking the way they seemed to see past his bullshit. But when it came to anything dealing with Chris...

It became clear to me that he wanted me to cut ties with everybody he didn’t like, especially my friends since they were connected to Chris.

He was always super petty and vindictive about that ongoing situation, even more so after we made it official. And every time I tried to mediate between them or get him to understand what my friends meant to me it didn’t do anything but cause arguments.

He showed up to my party half-dressed, already drunk and looking for trouble. He had been drinking a lot then as a way of dealing with firing the Clancy’s as his management, losing his label management, being served with back to back lawsuits, even from his own father, watching his career hang in the balance… he was spiraling into a darkness he couldn’t be saved from. Not even by me.

I was trying desperately to love him through it. Trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel. To see our potential together. But the man I fell in love with all those years ago was gone. And the one whose eyes I woke up to were empty.

That hurt me. Frank was morphing into the same type of person he always said he would protect me from and it was triggering.

I’d been in a relationship like this before...

He spent his whole time there being unapproachable to my guests, snapping and saying things he knew he shouldn’t say. Toward the end of the party, I was tired of doing the most intense form damage control I’ve ever had to deal with and pretending everything was okay.

Chris managed to catch me right in the midst of my breakdown, knowing something was wrong. I slid into a nearby women’s bathroom and into a stall, sitting on one of the toilets with tears and makeup running down my face.

Frank must have saw us from his spot at the bar and decided to follow, stumbling in. I couldn’t even look at him for long without feeling ashamed of who he was allowing himself to become.

He was a mess.

Adding insult to injury, Frank went pointing his accusing finger and raising his voice, having the audacity to say he _knew something was going on_ between me and Chris.

Drunk mouths tell sober thoughts.

I was heartbroken. To hear he actually felt I could hurt him like was enough to completely disconnect me from the wonderland we were just in months before.

Imagine, being thrown off that cliff by the person you thought loved you the most.

Chris was quick to defend me, not wasting any time challenging him and calling his bluffs which Frank absolutely hated. The liquor coursing through both of them made them unruly and escalated the situation even more.

The argument ended with Chris punching him in the face. Again. _Hard_. I pushed at their chests, knowing this had went too far.

Especially knowing everything I knew. I ended up telling Chris to just go. He did, hesitantly, leaving me playing my role and nursing my boyfriend’s nose…

That was the beginning of the end. That’s how the end always starts. Violent.

It almost felt like our relationship was a movie, and I was watching it change from the audience. Accusations, shouting matches, insecurities on front street, not even being able to stand being in the same room with each other. It wasn’t fun anymore. Wasn’t pretty. I didn’t trust him, and he damn sure didn’t trust me.

Me and Frank ended officially about a month after that.

He kept drinking, becoming more and more volatile. Secretive. I needed to leave. Away from him and his whiskey and stubbornness and anything to do with him.

Once we broke up, for once I didn’t feel like there was anything tying me to Los Angeles. I acted as such, separating myself from people who were known as _our_ friends and focusing mine, finding who I was before him. My friends welcomed me back with open arms, knowing exactly what to do to help me pick up the pieces.

Alex was enjoying being single again after being fresh from an amicable divorce. It stung a little to know that I was so wrapped in my own shit that I wasn’t able to fully be there for her during that time. And it was weird to see her operate on her own apart from Barry, especially since everyone who knew them could’ve swore they were soulmates. They couldn’t put their differences aside enough to make music together anymore so she was determined to get it on her own, which inspired me and literally everybody else. That garnered solo music which earned her new awards and praises, her career seemed to be taking off in the best way - putting her in the paths of super talented people.

Chadwick was a sweetheart. They seemed to hit it off as friends after the _Get on Up_ premiere and I was rooting for them. She needed someone down to earth like him in her corner especially after all the chaos of her split.

Like me, she put all her emotions into her art. While working on music, things aligned and ended with her meeting J. Cole and the rest of _Dreamville_. Jermaine’s energy just seemed to bounce off hers and fill a void she felt missing now that she wasn’t making music with Barry anymore. She was having fun, and they had chemistry for sure…

It was comforting to see there was more to life after being in such a serious, consuming relationship.

That inspired me to do something out of my comfort zone. Going on tour with Chris was easier than I thought it would be, but at the time I was scared to make such a big decision like that not knowing the outcome.

We had a chance to talk beforehand, knowing that the unspoken beef between us had run its course. Before then, it had been almost two months since I’d spoken to him in an effort try to put a band-aid on Frank’s insecurities even though I knew that was the wrong decision to make. I was doing anything to try to fix what had already shattered and broken, and I apologized to Chris for that. It felt good, to reconnect and have a chance to get everything out in the open.

During our conversation, he made it a point to ask me how Kacie was doing. I didn’t like being a buffer between the two of them but I knew he was trying to be a better person mentally, emotionally…. I didn’t want to reprimand him for caring even though his indirect approach wasn’t the best way to check on her and his baby girl in my opinion.

So I kept it brief.

I told him that Kacie was happy, focusing on her dreams. He didn’t press me for more, knowing that my response would be to go ask her himself.

Raising their two year old daughter with him in and out of rehab and jail didn’t seem to stop Kacie from grinding by any means necessary. Between raising Celeste, making music videos, the rekindling of her relationship with Michael, writing scripts, acting - she had no time to harp over anything else.

Onward, and upward. The last time we talked, she FaceTimed me at a video shoot she was directing for Donald Glover...

I left out the part about her actually messing around with Donald at some point, though. I knew he knew about Michael, and that they had an understanding. But Donald… that would not be something he was gonna hear from me.

He seemed satisfied to know that they were okay, but I knew my friend and how much he would’ve preferred to be around. But Chris was still trying to sort his shit out and adjust to life after overcoming addictions and anger.

I wanted to be there for him.

So when he asked me to go on tour and work for him as the head of marketing, I jumped at the chance.

I appreciated his team letting me gain my footing, get comfortable with my new role working with CBE, balance that and still manage my own workload from my marketing company. Work didn’t even feel like work on the road. I was enjoying the shows and the new energy. The change of pace and scenery and people made my life more fun. Maybe a little too fun. But I desperately needed some of that after the whirlwind of a year I had.

Being around people as talented and creative and as carefree as I was that I could start fresh with refueled me. I was creating more than ever. Laughing more. Smiling again.

I came back to Los Angeles a whole new person. Or maybe, I just had to lose everything to find the person I was before… everything.


	3. trouble on my mind

Tyler smiled and ruffled my freshly dyed hair, making me swat and dodge his hands.

His Coachella performance had him on a high, ready to transfer his hyper energy on any victim within arms length but I honestly didn't mind. I knew he was happy to have finally debuted some new songs that were coming soon from his new album Cherry Bomb on stage, and the crowd was hype about the new material. Tyler's happiness was infectious.

" **Fuck, I knew Deathcamp was gonna be wild! Yo, look at this nigga right here! He losin' his fuckin' mind haha, oh shit.** " Ty pointed out, laughing and taking his phone out to take a video of the guy in the crowd.

I laughed and stole some sour gummies and a water from his runner.

Backstage, there were white vinyl tents covered in fairy lights, white couches and bean bags inside along tables full of food. Performers with entourages of people in really expensive outfits who felt like they were so important swarmed around us with their noses in the air.

When did Coachella become _this_?

Needless to say, us and our weird outfits stuck out like sore thumbs.

We were in his tent waiting to leave for the night. Along the desert trail we were about to take was a house he rented out while we were in Indigo for the next few weeks. Clancy and Tyler were watching his set back on a monitor before we left to make sure everything was cool and nothing needed to be adjusted for the show next weekend.

Watching him violently go back and forth from jumping around to focusing on the details of his performance had to be some of the wildest shit ever. Tyler had to be the only person I knew that fully committed to the way his music made him feel but also 100 percent to his brand, which could sometimes result in that type of organized chaos. He was content, that was for sure - his joy was contagious and eventually made everybody dance and recite lyrics all over again like we hadn't already experienced the show. I took a picture of him mid-jump and shared it on Twitter.

**@outrvge** : _this guy got waaaay too much fuckin energy lmfao help us all pic.twitter.com/d6KsI _

" **Woo! Thank you to all you niggas who helped me create a good ass show. BUT I am fully hyped on making more music. I am ready to retire Yonkers for fucking GOOD.** " He commented towards the end of the video with his hands up in the air, making everybody laugh.

Once it was over, he scribbled some of his final notes onto a napkin he found nearby and handed it to Clancy, who made sure to pass the message along to the festival set designers.

After that, Vil took the group of us to where our transportation was scheduled to pull up.

**@outrvge** :  _ i just checked the weather app and i just.... why the fuck is the desert cold?! _

**@outrvge** : _ ...no forreal tho. is the desert supposed to be cold?! fuck global warming _

" **It's fuckin' freezing out here, T.** " I muttered and tied my bandana over the lower half of my face, protecting myself from breathing in dust while looking up at him and rubbing my arms as comfort from the desert chill.

I always hated when the sun went down in the valley. It was beautiful and warm and breezy and welcoming during the day, but who knew desert temperature at night could be this brutal.

And honestly I was not dressed for nighttime in the desert, looking like a piece of aluminum foil next to him in an iridescent, back out maxi dress  _ with _ thigh slits and matching creepers. I'd been getting compliments all day though.

Plus it was Coachella. It was the perfect excuse to be half naked and shiny.

He shook his head, crossing his arms as he looked at me up and down with his brow raised, questioning my outfit choice, taking his time, _admiring_ , even...the thought of which made me feel a churn in my stomach that I couldn't quite put my finger on so I shrugged it off.

I pushed his shoulder, snapping him out of it by fucking up his already bad balance.

" **What?** " I asked, watching him stumble a little.

Guiltily, he shrugged and pushed me back with a smirk on his face. He knew he was caught in some degree but potentially awkward stuff like that never seemed to phase him.

I'd actually been catching him staring at me a lot more lately. The best thing for me to do was ignore it...

Yep.

The best thing.

" **Hmm, nothing. We just go through this shit every year.** " He smugly replied, pulling off the letterman he was wearing over his hoodie before holding it out for me to slide into. A gentleman at heart. The jacket was already warm from his residual body heat so I was nice and cozy once I got it on completely. I had to resist the urge to hug myself and get lost in the comforting smell, knowing I would look crazy as fuck with my arms tightly around myself and deeply inhaling.

Jasper walked over with his camera and Clancy took it, snapping pictures of the group of us with some ATVs dropped off for us to use the next two weeks.

" **Fuck yeah!** " He said, looking at some of the pictures and showing everybody. Taco laughed and called us the _Nigga Rangers_ , making everybody join right in with him.

After putting on our rented headgear, at the last minute we decided to actually have a race to the property.

_ On your mark... _

_ Get set.... _

_ Go! _

I hit the gas.

Wind whipped through the ends of my blue curls that couldn't fit under the helmet and my heart pounded with adrenaline. I felt like I was flying. I felt like I was racing my friends to the top of the universe.

I watched as Tyler sped off ahead of Jasper and Carter, Taco, Lionel, Vil and I.

The path was winding and wide; it had reflective markers on its edges that caught the headlights of the four wheelers we were riding even though it was dark so it was easier to navigate.

I managed to finesse and maneuver my way into second place, alllllmost taking first but Ty was better. The way he handled cars was...reckless and thrill-seeking, but in a good, exciting way. Attractive, way.

He was well aware of how good he was at driving, always able to adjust his technique and weave through obstacles (usually traffic), figuring out the best time to accelerate, brake, turn...

He pulled up to the driveway of the house first, screaming. We were far ahead of everybody else.

Skidding next to him, I killed the engine and pulled my helmet and bandana off, the adrenaline making me laugh loudly into the darkness. Tyler was smiling distantly as he looked over at me, staring like he never saw me before a day in his life. I couldn't ignore that smitten expression on his face even if I tried. I've seen him look at things, and people, like that, obsess over them, even... but never  _ me_.

I smiled hesitantly.

" **What?** " I asked for the second time that night.

He shifted around a little to pull his phone out of his pocket but his eyes never left mine.

Blushing, I called to him again softly trying not to draw attention to us as the others pulled up on their quads next to him.

" **Tyler?** " He seemed to snap out of his trance, shaking his head more to himself than anything.

" **Shit, wow. Um, sorry. I just -** ** _fuck_** **, this is** ** _sus_** **. But I really really missed you. Can I take a picture of you?** " He requested abruptly, obviously flustered and rambling his inner thoughts as he fidgeted with the phone in his hand, waving it a little for emphasis on his request.

I nodded, not really knowing what else to say.

Tyler gently brushed some of my hair from my face before backing up and using flash to get his shot, with me looking at him over my shoulder.

My phone started to blow up soon after that so I know he posted it before I even got the chance to see it. I checked my mentions on Twitter.

**@fucktyler** : _I BET YOU WERE BORN IN THE SKY pic.twitter.com/Qr38jk _

At first glance, I couldn't believe I was looking at myself. It was beautiful, I was... My skin looked smooth, eyes bright and my face was flushed with excitement, electric blue curls swaying in the wind. The flash on his phone made my dress glow in the darkness that surrounded us, creating this happy, angelic aura around me. I couldn't tear my eyes away from my phone screen, and my face was on fire.

That churn in my stomach came back tenfold, and knew I couldn't try to ignore it this time.


	4. inside of clouds

The months following the release of  _ Cherry Bomb  _ were definitely eventful.

I resumed my position as manager and lead designer at my art and marketing firm I created in Hollywood for celebrity clients looking for help with their brand direction and audience. After what happened with Frank initially with the whole secret relationship thing, Kelly and Clancy understood my decision to resign as their marketing assistant and encouraged me to find a way to do what I loved. So I took their advice and built _OUTRAGE_ from the bottom up, starting with doing social media marketing for friends that I’d made in the business. Eventually it just blossomed into me licensing my brand and creating a little office in downtown LA. The Between the Sheets tour was my first high profile project since working with Frank, and the gross profit numbers were _amazing_.

As soon as I made it known I was back in California, the amount of people that wanted to work with me was more than I’d ever experienced. I was fully prepared to take care of my baby, to throw myself into my work since that was more satisfying than how shitty my personal life had become since this breakup. So I’d been working, consistently, diligently, for the past five months.

But not today, though. 

The sun was flooding into Tyler’s windows, making the attic space he claimed as his bedroom look even bigger and more lofty than it normally did.

I scrolled through Instagram, Fenty lounge shoes hanging off my feet as they bounced to _L$D_ softly playing on a sound system nearby. It felt a little weird to not be checking my calendar every five minutes, but I knew today was the day to be the good friend I promised I’d be when I got back in town.

The stretchy threads underneath me ebbed with movement, and I looked over. Tyler shifted to his back and sighed, jaw tight as he actively ignored the text notifications on his phone. He let it fall out of his hands and on the soft blue carpet underneath us.

We were laid out on his trampoline.

“ **Are you...okay?** ” 

I knew he was still pissed from getting into yet another argument with the group but so far since we’d been laying here he hadn’t uttered a word about it.

Watching Thebe’s mental health decline seemed to be hard on the whole Odd Future camp lately. His strained relationship with his dad was getting worse which was taking a toll on him emotionally. And to make matters worse, we all noticed how he upped his doses of recreational drugs and added Xanax to the mix.

But everyone was dealing with their own shit too, so no one really knew how to handle it.

Frank was using the front of “not feeling comfortable being around” after firing the Clancy’s to be inconsistent with keeping contact, when honestly he had fallen similarly into depression and substance abuse. I knew he was probably scared shitless of his drinking problem being put out on front street in the process of trying to help Earl so he was making the choice to not deal with any of it. Hodgy and Left were blatantly not answering Tyler’s phone calls. Domo didn’t want to take sides so he was off doing his own thing. Syd had a new album she was using as an excuse to not deal with it. 

Mike G honestly just fell off the face of the earth.

And when everyone did get together, their conflicting opinions on the matter at hand seemed to just start more arguments.

In one of their first shouting matches, Hodgy slipped up and said some foul shit I assumed he been feeling for a while: that Ty was acting ‘ _too Hollywood’_ to fuck with them.

It was no surprise that Tyler was becoming more of a household name. But him feeling too good to hang out with them couldn’t be anything further from the truth.

Since releasing his album in April, he was doing back to back promo appearances, finished an international tour where he was the only one in charge of designing merch _along_ with finishing the new fall/winter season of _Golf Wang_ , and he only had a couple weeks back home before starting _another_ tour, this one with Rocky. 

He knew how fleeting the entertainment industry could be. Tyler’s worst fear was going broke and not being able to take care of his family, so he just kept churning out ideas. He was good at that.

So he never stopped working. As soon as he was done with one thing, he moved on to the next.

And the more he tried to motivate his friends to do the same and focus on their careers instead of shit like drugs, women, or any other distractions, the more he felt them distance themselves from him, not the other way around.

The bitterness was rooted so deep and infected everything they built. They eventually made the decision to disband, which sent a ripple through social media when Ty decided to vaguely tweet about it a couple weeks after.

**@fucktyler** : _although it’s no more, those 7 letters are forever._

It seemed like the saying ‘ _more money more problems_ ’ was true.

“ **Nah, ‘cause niggas still acting like I was fucked up for not wanting to be around and watch the nigga fucking kill himself. I’m fully off that.** ” Tyler replied irritably, knocking his hat off and rubbing the top of his head. 

I shook my head, turning to face him.

“ **You’re not wrong. It’s hard watching someone you love... like that. It affects you, like - why is all the love and support I give you not enough...why am I not enough?** ”

It felt weird to say that out loud after thinking it over and over, for so long. After spending months feeling like a failure. After making the decision to slowly unlearn the behavior again. After having to constantly remind myself of the complete opposite so guilt didn’t consume me, and turn me into somebody else too.

I didn’t mean to take it there. But he finally could understood in some ways why I reacted the way I did with Frank.

Sensing that this was a heavy topic for me, Tyler went quiet, having that moment of realization. He spoke, somber.

“ **Sometimes you just gotta get the fuck away, right? Before you put all the blame and shit yourself?** ”

I nodded. He had this weird way of reading my mind at times and saying shit I would probably never have the guts to.

“ **Yeah.** ”

Feeling a lump in my throat, I decided to just stop there.

It was silent again aside from his playlist and he pulled me into his chest for a hug.

We kinda just stayed like that for a while, comforting each other. My body released all the tension I’d been holding, and I wrapped my arm around his back.

A couple songs later he sat up abruptly, pulling me up to my feet on the trampoline.

“ **Fuck all that sad shit. Have some fun with me.** ”

I was a bit reluctant at first, but Ty managed to convince me to start jumping with him, chasing him around the trampoline.

The springs gently ebbed underneath me as I shyly bounced, earning a quick side eye from him before he laughed to himself, knowing I was overthinking it. He grabbed my hands, his kind smile making me forget all my problems and insecurities and just  _ jump. _

My hair swung freely in the air once I gained momentum, and the feeling of floating just for a few moments at a time was so euphoric I couldn’t not smile. 

He kept urging me higher and higher, trying to keep up with him and his long legs.

Tyler strummed along his imaginary guitar to _Chamber of Reflection_ mid flip, before tripping over his own feet and landing flat on his back. His laughter was yellow, ringing out and warming the air around us as his long limbs flailed around.

I bounced down on my knees next to him giggling, out of breath. My heart felt lighter than it had in awhile.

Grabbing my hand, he kissed the back of it.

“ **Everything will be okay. Don’t stress about shit, cause I’m not. Just lemme know when you need a break, and I’ll take your mind off it.** ”

I nodded.

“ **You too.** ”

We locked pinkies.


	5. whoa

**Billie, the Designeur**

So y’all not gonna tell me what he planning

 

**Billie, the Designeur**

Y’all KNOW I have birthday anxiety!!!!!!!!!

 

 **(Stabby) Patty Glover** _\+ T’Chile He Fine_

😂

 

 **T’Chile He Fine** _\+ (Stabby) Patty Glover_

Nigga, no!!!

 

“ **So**!” smiling hopefully as I stuffed my phone into my jean pockets. Obviously harassing Kacie and Alex wasn't working so I had to resort to desperate measures.

Tyler took one good look at me and raised his brow, shrugging.

“ **No. I’m not telling you shit**.”

I knew he wouldn’t talk. Tyler was very transparent but he was also really, _really_ good at surprises.

Sighing in defeat, I motioned loosely around at all the different clothing racks.

“ **Can you at least tell me how to dress for this...** **_thing_** **?** ”

After the realization that I don’t have the best luck when it comes to birthdays, I was hellbent with with my initial decision to opt out of celebrating this go round. Too many bad memories…. especially the last one.

I still wasn’t over that. And still embarrassed, a whole year later...

Of course avoiding the whole day didn’t go over well with my any of my friends. They were determined to win me over, so they made it a point to make sure I had absolutely nothing to do with the planning.

Tyler jumped at the chance to lead the _secret birthday project event, thing_.

He made me clear my whole work schedule a few days while we were in New York for him and Rocky’s tour. I won’t lie… when I first got back to Los Angeles, I hit the ground running when it came to my marketing firm. It felt good to put my all into something and it succeed, after feeling like I lost my footing and myself. But it also felt damn good right now, finding some time just have fun with my friends and enjoy the fruits of my labor without limits.

We were all running off a few hours of sleep by the time we got off the plane, but I was used to that.

Once we got to New York, we stopped at a bakery in Lower Manhattan that Tyler claimed was his favorite to grab some blooming hot chocolates.

Afterwards, we ended up piling up in an Uber that took us to Times Square. Now we were in Topshop, where I was completely overwhelmed by the fact that I had _no idea_ what to wear tonight since I had no idea what we were _actually doing._

Tyler gave a noncommittal shrug, smirking.

“ **Find some casual shit.** ”

“ **Like for a kickback? Y’all stressing me out over a kickback?!** ”

He laughed, leaving me standing there with an incredulous look for a while before offering his only points of guidance.

“ **Blue, shut the fuck up and _relax._ Just pick that fuckin’ tube top and skirt over there you liked or _something_ so we can go. We got other things to do today. I don’t even know what you worried about anyways like you not _always_ the baddest in the room.**”

I blinked in surprise, his tone making me pull my neck back.

“ **Are you trying to check me? That’s how you feel, T?** ” I challenged, matching his attitude as I closed the distance between us.

Tyler didn’t back down, instead he moved to full height and nodded firmly as he sized me up.

“ **Yep. Grab some shit, so I can pay for it and then we can leave. Let me take care of you and all the details for once and you sit the fuck back and just enjoy it, aight? ‘Cause you deserve it.** ”

My face burned as I shrunk back in surrender. I looked away and let his words settle over me. Had it really become that difficult to let people do things for me? Here I was, being a bitch over something I was scared not to have control over. He tilted my chin up, searching my eyes for confirmation until I rolled them and nodded reluctantly.

Then he smirked.

My stomach did that little churn I was becoming a little _too_ used to again. I made a mental note to get that checked out.

“ **Good. I’m hungry as fuck and you got a hair and makeup appointment back at the hotel in like two hours.”**

-

 **@outrvge:** _waow. im still convinced these niggas stressing me out over a kickback but my day has been super sweet so far_

 **@outrvge:** _AND i ain’t pay for none of this :) thanks t <3 pic.twitter.com/hYf12_

The day moved very quickly after that. Once Tyler convinced me that I was thinking _way_ too hard about everything and being kinda annoying, he assured me that I didn’t have anything to worry about. Which was hard to get used to, but so far he seemed to have everything under control.

Which was nice, for once.

After we finished up shopping, the whole group linked together again and we decided to eat at a popular sushi spot nearby for lunch. I was the last one out of all of us to like sushi so everybody made it a point to give me suggestions of what I should try.

Tyler picked up the tab which made me look at him with my brow raised, but he just shrugged it off. I don’t know what it was about it being my birthday but he was being... weird. Not in a bad way, but just… _different_.

 **T’Chile He Fine** _\+ (Stabby) Patty Glover_

So???? _*emoji eyes*_ How’s it going birthday girl?

 

**Billie, the Designeur**

Bruuuuuuh. This nigger has literally paid for everything today so far 

AND he really put me in my place about my attitude in the mall…

…am I in the Twilight Zone?!

 

 **(Stabby) Patty Glover** _\+ T’Chile He Fine_

Ty Ty did whaaaat? Biiiiitch he said he got time for your shit today LMFAO

 

 **T’Chile He Fine** _\+ (Stabby) Patty Glover_

You deserve sister. Wish I could be there to see that 😂

 

**Billie, the Designeur**

Ya’ll aint shit. I wish ya’ll was here toooo 😭

 

We got back to the hotel after eating entirely too much sushi, where Ty instructed that a MUA slash hairstylist was waiting for me in my room. I expected it to be someone from LA, but when I opened the door and my childhood best friend Bri popped out of the ensuite bathroom and into my arms, I screamed happily and went straight into spaz mode. Bri was from my hometown, and she was arguably the best makeup artist in the entertainment industry. So much so, her celebrity clientele kept her busy making her hard to keep in touch with and even harder to book.

Again, I looked at him incredulously before laughing. I couldn’t believe this shit. Tyler laughed too, knowing that I was honestly overwhelmed but in a good way.

“ **Okay, really my nigga??? Wooow, you’re** **_crazy_ ** **.** ”

“ **He is, to be honest! He tracked me the fuck down two months ago and scheduled me for the** **_whole day_ ** **, girl**.” Bri embellished, making him smile and blush even though he swore niggas couldn’t actually do that.

Ty pulled me into a side hug, kissing my temple before checking his watch and heading to the door.

“ **A** **lright so y’all only got a couple hours so don’t be scissoring or nothin’ in here. Meet me downstairs at 7.** ” He added with a smirk.

I deadpanned him and he took that as his rightful cue to leave. Then, it was finally time to get all pretty to go to _I don’t even know_.

But I knew I was gonna be super put-together so I had no worries about that. I had to hand it to him, Tyler called in the best person for the job.

I decided to take a shower and get dressed before Bri started on my face. As soon as I sat in her chair, we started to catch up. It had honestly been a while since I talked to her, or visited Miami in general and I felt a little guilty about that. It was both of our dreams to be successful and we always wanted to be a part of each other’s journeys, but once I got hired for my internship at _VIBE_ it became harder and harder for us to stay in contact. She was working in her mom’s salon, I was working for a magazine. Me being all the way in New York strained our connection. When I moved out to California, we’d already been out of touch for a while so I didn’t reach out.

But the one thing I loved about Bri was no matter the time or the distance, when we linked up it was always genuine. She excitedly told me how things were going for her as far as life was going and her business, especially within the last year or so with her recent gig as part of the Love & Hip Hop crew. I told her about my tumultuous life as of late, making her suck her teeth and let out a few rounds of _‘these niggas ain’t shit_ ’ before she encouraged me to keep getting this money with my business. We turned some music on as we talked shit and she really got into glam mode.

Two hours flew by while we had fun.

When Bri was done, she stood back and smiled. “ ** _Damn_ ** **, bitch. I did it again.** ”

She handed me a mirror and my reflection made me pull my neck back. I looked like Donna Summer with the fresh face, big wavy hair and heavy eyeliner. She even added blue iridescent glitter on my lids that complimented the vibe of the fringe tube top and matching skirt I had on.

“ **Oooh shit, you did!** ”

Bri still had some time left over after finishing my hair and makeup so I asked her to come with me. She freshened up and changed into a cute denim halter dress, pulling her hair into two high puffs.

We took some pictures before I looked at the time on my phone, sliding into my heels and grabbing my cross-body bag.

Tyler was standing by the van in front of the hotel entrance when Bri and I came outside to to meet up with him, Jasper, Carter and Taco. I noticed they were all dressed in more of a 80's style too, which was kinda weird, but…

He was too busy texting to notice me walking up behind him. I touched his shoulder gently and he turned around, blinking wildly once he finally saw me like he was malfunctioning before a smile formed on his face.

“ **.....** **_woah,_ ** **shit.** ” He finally said, taking my hand and spinning me once, making me laugh and the fringe on my outfit sway around me.

“ **So can you tell me where we going now?** ”

He just shook his head, zipping his lips before helping me and Bri into the truck.

-

“ **This building looks like some shit outta SVU** _._ ” I mumbled to Bri as we got out of the van, staring at a dark building in the middle of the empty parking lot we stopped at. She looked just as skeptical as I did...

“ **Nah uh, this** **_gotta_ ** **be that weird Hollywood shit….uh, you go ahead,** ” she whispered as she pushed me ahead, making me glare back at her.

Tyler and Jasper led us to the door, opening it and motioning for us to walk in. It was dark when I stepped through the entrance. The blackest part of me was one second away from turning on my chunky heels and running right back out but when the lights turned on, I was _floored_.

“ ** _SURPRIIIISEEEEE!!!_ **”

There was flashing lights and a big disco ball in the center of a fully decked out skating rink, and the whole space was filled with balloons and cute disco themed decorations. Everyone was dressed like they were from the 80’s which made me smile so big. Now my clothes, makeup and hair made sense.

Bri cackled next to me with her phone in hand pointed in my direction, clearly in on the surprise.

I looked around in awe, taking in the massive crowd of people rushing toward me and showering me in love and confetti. Tyler proudly stood next to me before filling the space with his ugly laughter when he saw the  look on my face, quickly taking a picture with his disposable camera. I buried my face into his shoulder, blushed and groaned, playfully hitting his chest.

“ **PLAY THAT FUNKY MUSIC, UGLY NIGGA!** ” Ty yelled out and did some weird hand motion over to Taco who was at the DJ booth, and he nodded before starting off his set for the night with _All Night Long_. Jasper had his camcorder in one hand, Carter’s wrist in the other, filming as everybody moved back into the rink and started to skate. Before I knew it, they actually went out on the floor themselves.

“ **You sneaky asshole! You tryna make me cry...** ” I mumbled, pouting while staring up at him. He had a distant smile on his face, obviously thinking as he used his thumb to sweep some pieces of confetti off my cheek.

" **I told you to let me handle it, didn't I. Happy birthday, Blue. Now go shake your ass and drink but don't get too fucked up.** "

I hugged him for a long time, smiling as he kissed the top of my hair before he let go and disappeared into the crowd. I found myself moving through it in the opposite direction, greeting anyone I could get my hands on. Literally everybody who was anyone to me was there, warming my heart.

I was in the middle of catching up with a previous client when I heard a familiar voice behind me.

“ **What the fuck, wooooow you look** **_good_ ** **!** ”

“ **She do! I ain’t miss the best part, apparently!** ” Another voice chimed in, making me turn around and scream.

I ran into Kacie and Alex’s arms. This night could not get any better. Apparently,Tyler made sure they were going to be free for the party. They flew all the way from California to spend the rest of the time we had in New York for the tour with us.

They both pulled me to the bar, handed me a celebratory drink and we rounded up a couple of shots of something brown for us to take. We all took the shots down and immediately started laughing at how bad they burned. I missed them so much, so we sat there for a minute while they told me how life had been for them since the last time we talked and how hard Tyler actually went behind the scenes to make this day a success for me.

Then I felt a hand on my arm, so I turned around only to see Rocky. I hung out with him before of course through Tyler and we had fun. Sometimes I would catch him staring - not in a creepy way, but in a curious way... like he wanted to figure me out. He was cool, but we weren’t super close. So I was honestly - _and pleasantly_ \- surprised to see him standing there with an afro wig on, bell bottoms, a silk shirt and a big blue box.

He must have saw it in my face.

“ **Hello, beautiful ladies. And, look at** **_you_ ** **...shit, happy fuckin’ birthday, gorgeous.** ” Rocky said, addressing everybody before smirking as we locked eyes. Then he handed me his gift. Something about this nigga always made me blush.

“ **Aww, thank you so much! You shouldn’t have,** ” I started, putting the box on the stool I was sitting on before so I could open it. He just smiled that smile again, and it got bigger when I saw a pair of glittery roller skates inside with blue wheels.

Looking at them a little closer, I noticed the Louis Vuitton logo embossed all over the multicolored leather which made look at him with the dumbest expression on my face. He laughed nervously at my shock. This had to be one of the most extravagant gifts I ever got.

“ **I had to make sure you was gonna be fresh on the rink on ya day, love. T told me your shoe size so I had to come through with the jiggy shit. I hope you like ‘em, they custom actually.** ” I threw my arms around his neck before any words could even come out of my mouth. His wrapped around my back and he lifted me up off my heels some, which made me giggle.

“ **Are you shittin’ me?? Thank you, Rocky!** ”

Tyler appeared out of nowhere easing Rocky off me to go to do, _something_ , but I wasn’t really paying them any attention. Honestly, I was starting to feel those shots so I was hype to get on the floor and really enjoy myself. Putting my skates on happily, Alex and Kacie shared a look that turned into laughter.

“ **What?** ” I questioned after seeing the knowing expressions on their faces.

Alex shook her head, patting my shoulder. “ **Oh, nothing... just know** **my dear, you still have** ** _so_** **much to learn...** ”


	6. hot n fun [twitter]

**@outrvge** : _runnin thru the city w/ my woessss pic.twitter.com/58fd6_

↳ **@outrvge** : _groovyyyy_ **_@kcnvrmnd @alexandria @fucktyler @jasperdolphin @carterkim @tacobennett @itsbri @asvprocky @damustacheman_ **

**@outrvge** : _my new name is blue summer, after donna, bitch. i feel so prettyyyy, thank youuuu_ **_@itsbri_ **

↳ **@itsbri** : 😍

 

 **@outrvge** : _respect the shooterrrr, all_ 📷 _s taken by_ **_@jasperdolphin_ **

 

 **@outrvge** : _waowwww i love youuuuu_ **_@fucktyler_ ** _ur the fucking 🐐 pic.twitter.com/9v64g1_

↳ **@fucktyler** : **_@outrvge_ ** _your welcome drunk ass, oh shit we look good in this pic thanks to_ **_@jasperdolphin_ ** _fat ass_

↳ **@jasperdolphin** : **_@fucktyler_ ** fuck you

 

 **@outrvge** : **_@fucktyler_ ** _is the chocolate to my strawberry, the cinnamon to my blue waffle 💙_

 

 **@outrvge** : _....wait lmfaoooooo_

↳ **@fucktyler** : **_@outrvge_** _DUMB ASS HAHAHAHA you lucky your cute_

↳ **@outrvge** : **_@fucktyler_ ** _😘😘😘😘😘😘😘_ 😘

 

 **@outrvge:** _my best friends threw me a surprise party!!!! i been poppin pussy on a handstand for hoursss_

 

 **@outrvge** : _shout out to the DJ_ **_@tacobennett_ **

↳ **@tacobennett** : _😛_

 

 **@kcnvrmnd** : _😂😂😂😂😂 somebody take this girl's phone LMAO billie is really the queen of tweeting under the influence_

↳ **@alexandria** : _nah let her keep going so she can read this shit in the morning 😂 😂_

 

 **@outrvge** : _alex aint shit lmfaooo_

 

 **@outrvge** :  _thank you for these expensive ass skates and you smell good 😊_ **_@asvprocky_ **

↳ **@asvprocky** : **_@outrvge_ ** _anything to make your pretty ass smile_

↳ **@outrvge** : **_@asvprocky_ ** _😳_

 

 **@outrvge** : _in the words of a jiggy nigga, he a “fashion killa”_ **_@michaelb4jordan_ ** _pic.twitter.com/53d3fh_

↳ **@michaelb4jordan** : _😂_ **_@outrvge_ ** _i'm going to wait until you sober up to tell you to delete this_

 

 **@outrvge** : _anddd thank u_ **_@chrisbrown_ ** _for pulling up on ya girlllll_

↳ **@outrvge** : **_@chrisbrown_ ** _even tho you brought_ **_@treysongz_ ** _and he violated me by bringing that devil juice_

↳ **@treysongz** : _lil brudda said welcome, and shut that shit up you know daddy had to bless you with the henny on ya day, baby_

↳ **@outrvge** : _😾_ **_@treysongz_ ** _and you know how i get off the henny so you knew that was rude little boy_

↳ **@kcnvrmnd** : **_@outrvge @treysongz_ ** _omg billie go to bed lmao_

 

 **@outrvge** : _i feel like the world spinning so imma listen to Kacie and go to bed_

 

 **@outrvge** : _happy birthday to me! new year, new good energy coming my way 💙 i wished for true love on some disney movie shit lmfao so hopefully that works out, goodnightt_


	7. campfire

I always spent Christmas Eve with my bitches, knowing I would be guaranteed a great time getting drunk and talking shit with bougie presents and great food while basking in the holiday cheer. Me and Kacie spent most of the afternoon helping Alex prepare some dishes ahead of time to make sure she wouldn't be so overwhelmed with cooking tomorrow when her family came over for Christmas dinner. She made it a point to invite Tyler over for her holiday party, but he was loyal to Frank for the most part so he kept his distance and politely declined every holiday since we'd been friends.

So it surprised me when he actually agreed to come. I was sitting on the piano bench at Alex's apartment when I heard him knock.

The guest list was a mixed bag of people we'd linked up at various points of our lives. And soon, it was packed.

Michael was sitting on the edge of the couch wedged between his date Tabria, and Kacie, his girlfriend. Everybody in our circle knew they had an  _what's-understood-don't-have-to-be-explained_  type of relationship that seemed to work out for them and give them the freedom they both enjoyed. At first it would confuse us a bit when they both would show up with dates and end up leaving together instead, but that had been going on for a few years now so we were used to it. Tabria was a regular as far as him bringing people around was concerned, so she knew what was up. Mike was animated, showing pictures of him and Kacie on vacation a month ago with her daughter Celeste to Chadwick who was perched on the armrest next to them, which earned a subtle scowl from Tabria that no one was paying attention to. Not even Michael, really.

Donald was there too. He stepped outside on the porch to take a call and we could hear him arguing with whoever was on the other end of the receiver. Me and Kacie shared a look before I shot a text to our group message.

**Billie, the Designeur**

Baby mama drama, again?

 **(Stabby) Patty Glover**   _\+ T'Chile He Fine_

Apparently she don't want him around me....

first of all bitch he a grown ass man! Idk what she gonna do when we start filming again, fr 

 **T'Chile He Fine**   _\+ (Stabby) Patty Glover_

Die, I guess. lmaoooo

That made me snort into my eggnog.

She did insecure shit like follow any woman Don could possibly be associated with just to be messy and find reasons to bitch at him. So she probably saw the picture they took together on Kacie's Instagram and freaked the fuck out, especially knowing a little about their history... and from the sound of his responses, she was  _not_  happy he was here.

Alex popped back out from her kitchen with a tray of fresh holiday cookies and spiked eggnog, arranging it on the coffee table before sitting on the corner of it.

" **How** ** _cuuuute_** **. Thinking about poppin' out some babies soon, old man?** " She teased Chadwick, smirking and tilting her head at the fact that he wasn't even trying to contain his excitement to hear about Celeste's achievements.

" **Maybe.** " He countered, mirroring the look on her face which caused everyone's brows to shoot up around the table. The sexual tension between them could honestly be mass produced, bottled and served in every nightclub in the west coast.

I slid over to welcome Tyler to sit next to me on the bench. He spent all of two seconds just sitting there twiddling his thumbs until he turned around, drawn to the piano keys. He settled on playing a rousing rendition of the Christmas Song, and we smiled at each other before I decided to sing along. The vibe spread along and soon everyone was singing, Everyone's harmonies matched for the most part, and when Alex took over on lead vocals I  _had_  to pull my camera out.

After we got through the song I stuffed a fresh cookie into his mouth, knowing he would eventually want one. His gratitude was muffled with his ugly laugh and a mouth covered with crumbs while his fingers expertly created a crescendo and bridge that I was sure he made up on the spot. And it was beautiful... I don't know if it was the eggnog or what, but the room around me just kinda faded away at that moment while I let myself sway and get lost in the music.

We all heard a knock at the side door in the kitchen and it took me out of my reverie. Alex got up from her seat to go answer it.

Tyler was still softly playing in the background, creating ambience. I nudged him with my shoulder to get his attention before hugging his side.

" **I'm glad you decided to come.** "

" **I heard y'all make some** ** _good_** **ass baked beans.** " He trolled, making us both bust out laughing.

Our laughter was cut short by an gentle  _clear-of-the-throat_  from Alex who was walking back into the living room. Chris poked in afterwards, half fixed plate in hand, greeting everyone in the room generally. His eyes seemed to linger on Kacie, making her lift her head up and stare at him blankly before he disappeared into the kitchen again, looking kind of disappointed. Her jaw clenched after that, downing the rest of her eggnog and quickly grabbing herself another glass.

This was the first time in years the two of them were actually in the same place at the same time. Me and Alex shared a look.

Then I heard it.

" **Happy holidays, errbody.** "

Oh hell nah.

I whipped my head back around to see Tremaine walk out of the kitchen with a plate in his hand, staring right back at me with a smirk on his face.

________________________________________________

The party continued and honestly, it was awkward. The music got louder and more ratchet as people ate and drank, thankfully keeping them at bay from understanding what was actually going on in the living room.

Tabria ended up leaving early, having a photoshoot the next morning. Kacie or Mike didn't care either way, relaxing in each other's arms as they held a passionate conversation with Chad, Tyler and Don about their upcoming projects. Chris was chilling on the stairs, just observing shit, out of the way. Trey was sitting with him along with Cole, who just randomly popped up off the Henny about fifteen minutes ago, making it  _very_  obvious what his intentions for Alex were this evening...  _despite_  Chad's presence.

Chad was pissed but good at containing it, grinding his teeth and making an effort to contribute to the conversation without being too obvious.

He made it a point to sit Alex in his lap to have said conversation though, which made me snort.

Tremaine's eyes followed me and Tyler the whole night like he was trying to figure out if there was something going on between us. Even though there was nothing to figure out.

_Jealousy in the air tonight, I could tell..._

**Aldon**

Meet me in the kitchen

**Billie Badass**

🙄

I got up from my comfortable spot on the carpet, having migrated to the floor a while ago to rest my back on the sofa. Tyler gave me a brief look of panic at the thought of me leaving him alone with my friends but I patted the top of his head comfortingly. They actually  _liked_  him, so...

Walking into the kitchen, I saw Trey sitting on the counter. Everybody was doing their own shit and not really paying us any attention.

" **So what's up witchu, shawty. You don't even hit a nigga up no more**." He drawled, reaching out to grab my hands, touching me as a way to try to get under my skin and get me to let my guard down. I knew for a fact he was cross faded by the way his eyes were barely open. I sighed.

" **I been busy, Tremaine.** "

" **Busy, huh. You mean busy with that nigga in there.** " He added, nudging his head in the general direction of Alex's living room.

" **What? No, me and Tyler are** ** _not_** **a thing. Is this what you called me in here for, to try and play detective?** " I frowned, pulling my hands out of his before crossing my arms.

Trey shook his head and smirked.

" **Nigga look at you like I look at you, but my bad, that wasn't my place. I guess I'll let him tell you**   **when the time come...** " I really didn't like what he was implying.

" **Him and I are best friends. That's it. And if you wasn't so fuckin' jealous of every man that comes into contact with me, we could be friends too.** " Trey hopped off the counter, grabbing my waist as he pulled me closer and spoke in my ear.

" **Haven't I made it clear I'm not tryna be ya friend?** "

" **Mmm, and haven't I made it clear that you'll never be my nigga?** " I countered, with my hands against his chest.

The most frustrating part about him is that no matter how serious I was, he knew exactly how to seduce me and make it my idea. Everything was a game to him. Learning from my mistakes, I knew I had to cut him off at the knees. So before he opened his mouth I pressed a finger to his lips.

" **Listen, we had fun right? Don't fuck up your chances of it happening again by acting like I belong to you. We fuck around sometimes. I like to run and you like to chase. Let's just leave it at that.** " Patting his chest, I untangled myself from him and took the shocked look on his face as my cue to leave, before I did something stupid again and ended up waking up next to him like the last time.

I had a lot more eggnog to forget my troubles which may or may not have been the best idea.

We eventually moved Alex's couch against a wall and turned the living room into a dance floor which seemed to make everyone gravitate to it.

Tyler attempted to ask me what happened in the kitchen, knowing me well enough to know I was irritated when I came back even though I tried my damnedest to hide it. Honestly, there was a lot that happened while I was away that I hadn't really said anything about. Not that I planned on it, really. I dodged the question completely by pulling him up off the floor to dance with me. He was hesitant at first but my pouts seemed to disarm him, wiping that worried look on his face. I knew he would ask me about it again, later, but I didn't wanna think about it now.

He spun me around before we laughed and proceeded to do our signature throwback dance routine. A few up tempo songs passed while we embarrassed ourselves without a care in the world.

I was starting to break a sweat when  _You Don't Even Know_  by The Internet started to play, so I was thankful for the change of pace. Tyler opened his arms for me to slide into, and we rocked to the music with my head on his chest... maybe I was drunker than I thought, but I swear I could hear his heart racing.

" **T?** "

" **Huh?** "

" **Are you okay? Your heart's beating fast as shit.** " He stiffened up against me before I heard him laugh above my head.

" **Yeah, pick on the nigga with asthma. That's fucked up, Blue.** " I laughed too, not opening my eyes.

I decided not to say anything after that and just enjoy the moment. The song ended and afterwards, Tyler sat me down on the couch before disappearing into the crowd toward the kitchen to get us some water probably.

I heard a knock, soft at first, and then another, louder version at the front door. Looking around, everybody was too preoccupied to even be able to hear it so I got up to answer it.

Rubbing through my curls, I swung the door open only to be greeted by somebody I would've preferred to never see again, with a box in his hand. But life is funny like that sometimes.

" **Hey..** ** _._** " Omari started and then immediately stopped at the sight of my frowning face.

For years, I imagined what I would do the day I saw him again. I wanted to make him regret the day he ever decided to cheat on me. I wanted to punch him in the face, yell, say mean things but I was rooted to my spot. What I felt, more than anger, more than revenge, was hurt. I never even got an explanation. An apology. Nothing.

You never truly get over your first love and the bullshit they put you through. I could feel my eyes starting to sting. This was too much.

I could tell he was conflicted in what to do, but when he reached out to touch me I jerked back so hard I ended up backing right into Tyler's chest.

He took one look at who was at the door and the look on my face and his jaw clenched, pulling me behind him.

Omari straightened up.

" **My moms wanted me to drop this off for tomorrow.** " He said, handing the pie off to Tyler who just took it and made no other effort to interact with him. Time seemed to be moving in slow motion. I knew he wanted to say something else but Tyler was not entertaining that shit.

" **Alright well. Bye.** " Ty awkwardly said, taking the initiative to close the door. Omari caught it mid swing, looking at me with pleading eyes.

" **Aye, B can we talk?** " Before I could tell him no, Tyler interrupted.

" **Talk about what, dude? Can't you see she don't wanna fucking talk to you? If she did she woulda cursed your stupid ass out for pulling this shitty move.** "

" **I don't remember asking you permission, bro. You always gon' be around to play security?** " The version of Omari I remember puffed out his chest, not liking the way he was being called out.

" **Nigga, did I stutter??? I will beat yo ass. I don't give a fuck if you made** ** _Touch._** "Tyler's tone of voice cut through the party and seemed to attract attention, finally bringing Alex and Kacie out of the the crowd and to our rescue.

Things were just about to get out of hand but Kacie went outside, escorting her brother back to his car as they went back and forth with an irritated look on her face.

Alex rubbed my shoulder comfortingly, taking the pie out of Tyler's hands.

" **I'm so sorry, Billie. I did not invite him.** " I smiled weakly in reply, letting her know I believed her without saying anything.

Tyler was still mad, though.... really mad. Really mad like when he was going off on Hodgy talking shit about him on stage at the carnival. He was pacing and tugging at his sweater, ready to fight which wasn't good for anybody.

" **Shoulda shoved that pie up his ass. What a fucking idiot, I'm** ** _heated_** **.** "

Me and Alex shared a look before I took Tyler's arm, pulling him through the apartment to the balcony.

I really didn't know what I could say to calm him down so I just hugged him. He was shaking, and I knew he wanted anything but to be taken off the ledge. I didn't want him to get into any shit on my behalf. I was persistent, wrapping his arms around my waist and staying like that until he sighed, tightening his hold on me before resting his head on top of mine.

" **I really shoulda fucked him up, Blue.**   **You didn't see your face, you were** ** _scared as fuck_** **.** "

I mumbled a  _thank you_  into his shoulder. He pulled back, holding my face.

" **His weird ass. Stalking you at a Christmas party, lying about some dumbass pie. He may try some shit. You staying over my house tonight and you can't say no.** "

Well. I couldn't argue with that. So I nodded and he lead as we went inside, saying bye to everybody. I was exhausted, honestly and sleep in a safe space would really do me some justice.

I looked at my phone.  _3:41 AM_. Merry Christmas, I guess.


	8. perfect

I chalked Tremaine and his cryptic ass statements on Christmas Eve up to an attempt to make things weird between me and Ty so he could find a way in. I still didn't make an effort to contact him and he was  _pissed_  about it, having temper tantrums by throwing subtle shots on Twitter. He was just mad that he couldn't benefit on my loneliness anymore because I had my best friend around. It's not like I decided not to fuck with him ever again, because the dick was great... but I wasn't like all the other girls he dealt with. I was okay with sex with no strings attached when it came to him cause things did become a little too messy for me at one point.

So until he realized that I worked on  _my time_ , I was perfectly fine living without the unnecessary stress.

I made sure to avoid that topic of me and Trey around Tyler at all costs, even after he asked me again later that same night. Maybe I was a little too defensive, and that made him pull back some. I didn't really want to explain to him that I finally caved and connected with Tremaine on some stupid rebound shit. I knew he would connect the dots about how annoyed I was Trey cornered me at the party and the shots he was taking on social media and be mad I didn't tell him sooner. Maybe it was best... seeing how he reacted when Omari showed up. I was clearly up to my neck in testosterone.

On one hand, the Christmas Party made me look at Ty in a different way than I did before I left. We damn near grew up together, knew everything about each other and fought through most of life side by side... and that moment really showed me that I still had someone in my corner willing to go to war for me. On the other... he had been acting a little distant toward me ever since. I tried not to feel guilty but, I did. Maybe I was the problem. He was just looking out and being protective as usual and here I was, keeping secrets after disappearing on him for months... I was giving him a little space hoping time would smooth everything out.

New Years came and went. I was all burned out at that point so I opted out of the usual  _spend New Years Eve in the club_  narrative, deciding to meet up with the gang at Venice Beach instead and watch some fireworks with my feet in the sand.

The novelty of holiday season wore off quickly with the start of a new year and it was back to work for everybody. January was the beginning of a new era for my business. I finally hired a few people to help manage the workload that had been coming at full force for the past few months.

Liv was my new assistant designer. She was young;  _barely 20_ , currently finishing up her senior year as a digital media student at my alma mater. My favorite professor at AAU referred her to me once she heard I was looking for people to join OUTRAGE. One look at her portfolio and I knew she would be a great asset. Her boisterous work just  _fit_ the brand I was creating. Originally from California, she had that Bay Area vibe that I liked to surround myself with even though I was a southern girl. Liv was a typical Aquarius, small and shy in comparison to her big and busy art, which made me laugh but I knew she would be a good fit for the team.

Romeo, or  _Meo_  for short, was  _way_  different in a good way. Where Liv lacked in outspokenness he made up for it and more. His simplistic but direct marketing portfolio caught my eye on Instagram so I reached out to him to see if he was interested in working with my company. Meo drove a hard bargain before accepting my proposal but even  _that_  impressed me. When we finally met, I picked up on his New York accent and mannerisms. We talked a little bit about his circumstances, he was bi-coastal but was planning pack up and move to LA permanently with his long-time model boyfriend in the next few weeks. He told me that a psychic told him a Virgo was coming to shake shit up in his Sagittarius world, which was hilarious and kinda scary because, well... she was right.

So far, everything was going great with work. My office slash studio in downtown LA had more than enough space for us to work peacefully and collaborate and grow.

I left there a little earlier than normal excited to go home and relax. Before I could even start my car I heard my phone beep.

**Bali**

Hey babe, busy? Kinda need your help 😩

**Killie**

Nah, omw home... why what's up?

**Bali**

On set at T's new vid and I left some of my hair stuff at my apartment

We need a shitload of pins

My hair keeps fucking up the shot lol

**Killie**

Lmfao I'm on it

It completely slipped my mind that T was on set with Kali shooting a video for  _Perfect_. He explained that his treatment for it randomly came to him a couple days ago after a butterfly landed on his face while he was riding bikes with Jasper. I know he was excited to finally be executing it, and I also knew he would be able to make up for a month's worth of preparation with the production company he partnered with for all his visuals. That was the good thing about his team - he had plenty of great people ready to help him bring his ideas to life at any time.

I walked into  _HappyPlace_ Production Studio with a plastic container full of hairpins as requested. It took me a minute, shuffling through crowds and greeting people until I finally found Kali's dressing room.

" **You're a fucking lifesaver! I love you so so so muchhhhh, Kill'...** " She said, wrapping her arms around my middle and planting kisses all over my cheek making us both laugh.

It was her idea for us to switch the letters of our first names as nicknames once we got close and it was hilarious every time we heard them out loud. I rubbed Kali's back affectionately, holding her out at arm's length to check out what she was wearing for set and nodding in approval. It matched her aesthetic perfectly.

" **I love you too, Bali. And this outfit is fireeee. I may stick around a bit, not like I'm doing shit anyway. Where's T?** "

Kali winked at me before hopped back in the stylist's chair, letting her get to work on re-securing her updo. She made an unsure face at my mention of Tyler, though.

" **He should be around here somewhere, he's been in kind of a mood though... you know how he gets. Maybe seeing you're here will make him feel better.** "

I shrugged. Maybe.

Realizing that I actually hadn't heard from him in a few days, I decided to try to find him and see if he was good before heading off. Pulling my phone out of the back pocket of my jeans, I sent him a text.

**Sideshow Billie**

I'm in Kali's dressing room, had to drop off some hair stuff lol. Where are you?

**Ty Ty**

Setting up in Studio A

I ended up finding him in the first production room standing near the cameras in a GOLF tee and some dark cut off jeans. While explaining how he wanted the camera to move during his shot to one of the head camera men, he pulled me in to side hug when I walked up out of instinct, still talking technically about the framing of the video and how he wanted it to look as I curled into his side. When he was done, he finally realized he was still holding on to me and looked down, meeting my eyes.

" **What's up, Blue.** " I smiled gently, moving hair off of my forehead.

" **Heyyyy, you.**   **Congrats on filming your visual, everything looks amazing so far.** "

" **Thanks, B. You really saved the day with those hairpins. Figured you was busy or some shit, didn't wanna bother you.** " He shrugged, pulling me along with him to the other side of the studio.

I made a face at his nonchalant tone, jamming my index finger into his armpit. He hissed and laughed at how awkward the pain felt, squirming away from me with his hands up in surrender.

" **Nigga, don't be weird. I'll always come.** " Tyler nodded, smirking and pointing at me.

" **I'm gonna hold you to that. Anyways, I wanna show you this. Look at these gorgeous ass bugs.** "

Bugs?!

My stomach churned at his words, but maybe it was just because of the thought of there being insects close enough to crawl on me. I was getting ready to freak out until I turned my head and realized I was standing in front of a mesh cage with beautiful monarch butterflies fluttering around in it.

" **Wow...** " I looked back over to see Tyler standing proudly.

" **Sooo sick, dude. I'mma have them all over me too. Shit's gonna be awesome. You should stay...** "

________________________________________________

I eased into one of the director's chairs taking in everything. Taco came by and sat next to me after handing me a bottle of water and ruffling my hair.

At the last minute, Tyler decided to shoot his half of the video first since he was ready. It was interesting to watch him in boss mode, walking back and forth between checking and double-checking the camera's framing would work for the split screen edits and adjusting the lighting.

He pulled his shirt off since his scene was topless, handing it to someone nearby and spreading his arms out. The insect handlers were there next, spraying his top half with some liquid that would attract the butterflies to his skin. They let him sit down on the bench on set before freeing the butterflies, and it was so cool to see how they fluttered around him before landing in various places on his hat, face, shoulders and chest.

His smile was so big that his eyes were barely open, which made me giggle. Taco took a video of the whole process with Ty's phone. Once he finally ended it, he went back over and showed it to him in the camera roll.

" **Yo, I'm hype - this looks craaazy. I feel like a beautiful ass flower, nigga. Damn, look at this bitch walking on my nose... I'mma name you Herbert.** "

One of the production company's official photographers took some pics before they quieted the set and queued music for filming.

 _Perfect_  was one of my favorite songs on  _Cherry Bomb_ , so when it started I could immediately tell he slowed it down some for the sake of the video. Since it was a split screen and Kali sung most of the song, his performance was mostly interacting with music at the parts where he sung with her. I couldn't help but dance along, thinking to myself how much he reminded me of young Pharrell with those shoulder heavy dance moves he was starting to also be known for. He hated when I brought up how iconic he was for that so the thought made me laugh to myself.

I don't know if he just didn't want me to distract him or what but I could feel him awkwardly avoiding looking in my direction during the first verse and the hook. Either way, I was a little confused by that but maybe he was just acting. Wait, was he  _blushing_?

Austin, one of his friends walked on the set playing his guitar for the new bridge of the song. It caught me off guard because I never heard it before today.

At that moment, me and Tyler locked eyes for what seemed like forever before he finished his verse, making my face burn. I couldn't look away.

" ** _You make me better, and I know this don't make sense.... you make me better._** _"_

His co-director yelling  _cut_ after the outro from Austin took me out of my trance. I sat back in my chair, not really knowing what to think...

After Ty was de-butterflied he avoided me still, seeing the look on my face before he took his phone and headed back to his dressing room. I had to all but corner him.

I knocked at least, even though the door wasn't closed. He was alone thankfully but I felt weird about going to sit next to him on the couch. So I stood in the doorway.

" **Hey, great job out there...** " I started, cautiously smiling until I realized he wasn't going to look up from his phone.

" **Yup, thanks.** " That was all he said while still scrolling on one of his apps.

Weird...

Maybe I'll try a different approach.

" **I didn't know you added a new bridge to Perfect, when'd you do that?** " I said, making an effort to sound excited to talk about music with him despite his obvious change in mood. Tyler just shrugged, deflating my hopes yet again.

" **It was a couple weeks ago.** " I shifted against the door frame, waiting for him to say something else but he didn't.

" **Oh, okay...** "

" **Uh huh.** "

His short answers were confirmation that there was something else bothering him. But what? I chewed on my bottom lip as a few moments passed, deciding to address the elephant in the room.

" **Hey, T... are you okay?** " He sighed, finally looking up at the sound of worry in my voice.

" **I'm good.** "

" **Are you sure? Cause it feels like it's something you're not telling me...** "

" **I could say the same for you. You know what - look, don't worry about it. I'm** ** _fine_** **... Just tired, I guess.** " Tyler's tone was defensive and it caught me off guard, but everything about how he had been acting was adding up, leading to this moment. I knew exactly what he meant.

Shit. He found out what I was hiding from him. And not from me.

Before I had a chance to explain, we were saved by the bell. Kali was ready, the set designers finished the arrangements for her scene and they were paging Tyler on the intercom to come back to the studio.

" **I - I'm sorry, maybe I should go.** " I mumbled afterwards, embarrassed, feeling guilty and a little hurt.

He grabbed a juice from his snack table, walking up until he was towering over me.

" **Yeah, maybe you should.** "

Tyler didn't even bother to look back after he said it, he brushed past me, leaving me standing there... He just left.


	9. best friends

I stared at my left hand, checking the renewed coffin shape of my nails as my nail technician worked on my pedicure. Maybe a little TLC would help a little bit and get me out of this fucked up mood I was in.

Days went by since my run-in with Ty at his video shoot and I hadn't had the guts to speak to him yet. In my defense, he hadn't called me either. But I knew he wouldn't, so.

Sure, I did feel shitty for letting things escalate to the point where Trey was actively talking shit about him and making things up about us to people... without at least giving him a heads' up. But I was mostly mad. Because frankly, why the fuck should any of that matter? Especially if it wasn't true... and was that serious enough for him to spaz out on me and decide to act like I don't exist for a week?

I knew I needed to figure this out and fast. Before that even happened, I was looking forward to my pre-Valentine's day pampering with Alex and Kacie... and now that we were here it just kinda felt blah. They knew something was up but I hadn't said anything else about it since our conference call that night other than the fact that I hadn't talked to him.

Kacie nudged her shoulder against my right side, taking me out of my thoughts.

" **So you just gon' sit over there and frown all day? Where Tyler ole** ** _I can't breathe when you look at me_** **ass at; you want me to beat his ass?** " She inquired, and I shook my head  _no_  quickly knowing she was serious. I heard her sing a teasing  _okayyyyy_ as a warning as she flipped her freshly retwisted locs out of her face and checked her phone.

Alex poked her head out from Kacie's right side making a face in agreement with her comment before she interjected.

" **I mean seriously, he's still not talking to you over some community dick?** "

I shrugged in reply. We were both prideful so I felt like that was just as much my fault as it was his.

" **I guess so. To be fair, I haven't called him either.** "

 **"Hmm. I don't think you should to be honest. He gotta figure out how to deal with these new...** ** _feelings_** **.** " This had to be the fourth time somebody said something along the lines of that to me and I was getting a little fed up by it.

" **Not y'all too... sure, I agree there is** ** _something_** **going on with him but it's not that. He's just... probably mad I didn't say anything. Like I don't trust him or whatever.** "

Kacie just snorted into her glass of wine and Alex cut her eyes over at her, shaking her head.

" **Don't laugh at her, Kay... we both the resistance is strong with this one. We gone have to lead her to the water, so...okay. Why didn't you say anything, Billie?** "

I opened my mouth and closed it again, really thinking on her question before replying.

" **I knew he would be kinda mad about it. I mean, when have I ever been the girl to rebound that hard? Especially with somebody I swore I would never go there with. I was vulnerable, wasn't in my right mind so it was a bad call on my part and look how it ended up? I'm not ready to hear him say** ** _I told you so_** **.** "

I guess what I said made sense, earning understanding nods from both of my friends.

" **I feel where you coming from on your end, B.** " Kacie rationalized, handing her nail tech the green gel polish she picked out for her toes. " **But** ** _his_** **ass is jealous at the thought of you getting close to another man. You may not like him like that but he likes you and don't know what to do about it.** "

I sighed, unsure. " **I still don't think that's it...** "

My nail lady was almost finished with my pedi so I looked through the swatches of gel colors, hopefully signalling that I was tired of the conversation and wanted to end it...

" **Listen, B. Since you been back, y'all been inseparable. His birthday, his album release, touring, Coachella... He made a big ass deal and paid** ** _how much_** **on a birthday party for you? A party he spent half the time drooling over you and sniffing your hair when he thought nobody was looking and the other half tryna keep any nigga that showed visible interest** ** _away_** **from you but your ass was too drunk to notice...** " Alex explained carefully, stopping to give me a moment to digest.

I opened my mouth to object but quick flashes of memories that being brought up started to flood my mind, making me close it just as fast. Well, shit...

" **Yup, he strong armed the fuck outta Rocky's ass after he gave you them skates. I ain't even know he was that strong...** " Kacie's voice cut through my thoughts like a knife.

_Wait..._

" **Oh shit, I remember that! Rocky was hugging me and then Tyler just snatched him off me... that shit** ** _was_** **weird**." Shaking my head, my wide eyes darted between the both of them.

" **See???**   **Then he shows up at the Christmas party for the first time...ever, despite being a no-show 5 years in a row and ends up almost beating your ex boyfriend's ass for showing up unannounced to talk to you.** "

" **Okay now that's not fair, y'all know Omari triggers me and he was just being protective.** " I added.

"-  ** _possessive_** **.** " Kacie corrected me, making me sit back and scowl and shift uncomfortably in my seat thinking about everything Alex said so far. It almost felt like they were snatching the veil off my eyes...

" **Now he's been acting weird and writing secret songs that** ** _sound_** **like they're about you, ended up getting mad at you because he found out you fucked someone when you ghosted on him, and so he goes Casper on you for a week. And y'all are** ** _just friends._** **Girl?!** "

At that moment it all clicked for me. All that was missing is the sound of my friends saying  _I told you so_. Even though no one did, I filled it in for them myself with the silence.

Maybe Tyler did have feelings for me...

" **I mean, would that be such a** ** _bad_** **thing? He's sweet, he's fun, he fine- don't look at me like that. He's always been there for you, knows you like the back of his hand. And he cares about you a lot, that may be what you need right now.** "

My glare softened and I took in her words as I chewed on my bottom lip.

Maybe.

I downed my untouched glass of wine, hopping out of my seat and stuffing enough cash into my nail tech's hands to cover us all plus a good tip since it was my turn to pay.

" **I'mma go talk to him.** "

I was already halfway out the door when I heard them yell  _good luck_  at my back.

The ride to his house from my nail salon on Rodeo wasn't normally long but my anxiety was playing tricks on me, making me feel like it was taking h _ours_  to get there. My acrylics tapped against the steering wheel as I sat at a red light.

Should I call and tell him I was coming over? I looked over at my phone on the passenger seat and decided against it right as the light changed.

Every question I could possibly have crossed my mind all at once. What was I gonna say to him?  _Heyyy, I know why you've been acting weird the past few months... or at least I think I know. But please, feel free to explain any so I don't feel like a dick assuming you like me as more than a friend as I freak the fuck out!_

Would he even tell me the truth, and if he did actually like me where would that leave us...?

Should I even bring it up? It would only really  _matter_  if I had feelings for him, too... did I? Do I like him?? Shit.

My thoughts were starting to become deafening so I turned the music up to drown them out, bobbing my head along as  _Don't_  played from my phone the rest of the way.

**_If you were mine you would top everything... suicide in the drop, switching lanes..._ **

Pulling up to his house, I saw his driveway was empty signalling that he wasn't there. Was that a bad thing? A good thing? I sat in the car with my eyes closed, car in park, head against the steering wheel. I didn't really know shit anymore. In the span of an hour things that I thought made sense possibly didn't mean anything at all or they actually meant everything...

Maybe I was wasting my time.

A loud knock on my driver's side window scared the shit outta me before I had the chance to shift the car into reverse. Turning my music down, my wide eyes locked with a familiar pair as he leaned down with a confused smile while he waited for me to roll my window down...

" **Oh shit, hey! What're you doing here?** " Tyler's eyes darted around nervously, reaching in to roll the window all the way down so he could practically stick his whole top half through.

" **Hi, I was gonna call but I figured since I was in the area, I would stop by. I uh... wanted to talk.** "

" **Oh shit. Um, my bad... I been busy."**

 **"Busy,** "I repeated, incredulously. Never stopped him before.

 **"Yeah, busy... been meaning to call. But now for sure is not really the best time.** " He mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck.

I opened my mouth to reply with something slick but I was silenced at the sound of another voice, female, clearing her throat from behind him... By the look on my face, he knew he was caught. Tyler stood upright and backed up from the car a little revealing that he was with a girl whose whole look reminded me of those  _hashtag aesthetic_  "models" on Instagram. And not in a good way...

She wouldn't let go of his hand, wanting to make sure I saw. He was uncomfortable.

Good.

" **Hiiii, I'm Stef! Nice to meet you! Tyler's talked a lot about you...** " Her free hand extended to shake mine. I obliged, smiling with no teeth.

" **Really? This is actually my first time hearing about you... but nice to meet you too, girl! Where y'all just heading from?** " I asked in the friendliest tone I could muster knowing she was just itching to share, and since I was curious...

" **TyTy took me on a sushi date for Valentine's Day since he's gonna be busy tomorrow with famous stuff.**   **He's so sweet.** "

I smirked, knowing this game. He wasn't doing shit tomorrow, he just needed an excuse so she knew their time wouldn't extend any further than today.

" **Aww, well isn't that cuteeee.** "

" **Right?? And I sing so he brought me over for a** ** _private session_** **... right, T?** " She smiled coyly, curling herself around his arm for emphasis. I raised my brow and he just shook his head before whispering something in her ear that sent her skipping to his front door like a dumbass while he stayed behind.

Before he could say anything else I raised my hand to stop him, seriously amused by the whole thing. And here I was, actually starting to think things could be different.

" **I see you're** ** _busy_** **, so I'mma... go.** "

Laughing to myself I put my car in reverse, easing my foot off the break. His shoulders dropped and he walked toward his door fumbling with his keys before opening it.

She walked in, pulling him inside but he just stood there for a while... watching me back up and drive away.


	10. analog

" **Hey. Happy birthday, lil mama.** " I said, watching his face light up and smile on my phone screen. I smiled back, resting my head on my arm.

" **Thanks, lil daddy -** ** _yo_** **, I'm tired as fuck.** " He mumbled in reply, making me laugh when he dramatically rubbed his eyes with his free hand, gaze switching between looking at me and whatever he was doing on his computer.

" **It** ** _is_** **after midnight old man, I was expecting you be sleep by now.** "

" **Ha ha fucking ha, Blue. I was finishing up some designs and shit. Wondering if I was gonna get my birthday call, too. Didn't wanna miss it.** " His brows raised a little, amusement all over his face as he looked back at me with his head in his hands.

For as long as we've been friends, I was always been the first one to call and tell him happy birthday besides his mom. The thought of him staying up waiting was actually really cute to me, but I was still a little mad so instead of cooing at him like I normally would I rolled my eyes instead.

" **I mean, you pissed me off but... you stuck with me, nigga.** "

We just kinda sat there after that, staring at each other on FaceTime knowing we were both thinking about all the other shit that needed to be said and trying to figure out how to say it. Tyler broke the silence first, holding his chin as he spoke.

" **I'm sorry, I been acting** ** _sus_** **lately and now life really sucks 'cause I miss you all over again.** " Awwwww.

I was always so envious of how he could be like ' _fuck it_ ' and say the first thing on his mind. No matter how exposed it made him feel afterwards.

" **I miss you too, T... me being weird and secretive didn't help either so, I'm sorry too.** " He nodded quickly, knowing that admitting it out loud took a lot out of my prideful ass. Then I nodded until we both cracked a smile and it turned into laughter.

" **Whew, fucking great! Now that's over, you coming to the lake with us later right?** " The light from his computer dimmed as he turned it off. He got up from his desk and walked over, flopping into his bed and yawning loudly.

" **..and that's what you wanna do for your birthday?** "

" **Yup. Some simple shit. Wanna be outside today. And I wanna catch Golden Hour. Listen to some Stevie.** " Even though he was tired his mind was still moving a mile a minute.

I didn't mind going to the lake but I usually never swam, so I knew I would probably have to bring something to keep myself occupied.

" **Alright, I'm down. Your lil girlfriend gonna be there?** " I tried to tone down the pettiness in my voice but I knew he caught it, smirking over at me with a crease in between his brows.

" **What??** ** _Noooo..._** **you ain't shit, haha. Jealous ass. You jealous? You could get this work, too.** " His tone was low, even more than usual, making me pull my neck back some and smirk a little.

" **Nah uh. You want me to be jealous?** "It didn't take him long to answer at all.

" **Maybe.** " He shrugged cutely, cuddling his pillow and closing his eyes.

I blinked a few times waiting on a ' _just fuckin' with you_ ' that never came. Well.

" **I - good night, Tyler.** " I replied flatly even though I knew the smile on my face would tell on me. He was barely paying attention anyway, already starting to fall asleep.

" **Mmhm. Goodnight, lil mama. I'mma text you when I'm on my way.** "

________________________________________________

I made it a point when I slid into T's car to quickly put on my seatbelt which made him suck his teeth.

" **Hmph, scaredy ass. You practically live in my passenger seat and you still ain't die yet did you?** " He asked, squinting his eyes over at me.

Waving his judgemental stare away, I sat back and scrolled through my Instagram.

" **All thanks to this little piece of technology. I now have 90% more of a chance at life.** " He always thought my sarcasm was funny, so once he started laughing his real, ugly laugh it made me laugh too.

" **You're a dick, you know that?** " He said, shaking his head and chuckling as he pulled out of my apartment complex parking garage and onto the streets.

I sucked my teeth at him when he sped past Taco and cut in front of Jasper and Carter and he shrugged, smirking to himself.

Driving was really his thing. On one hand, Tyler was actually a great driver. If anyone had to be somewhere by a certain time, he knew all the back streets and shortcuts to get them whereverthat was with minutes to spare. It was one of those things he  _knew_  he was good at so sometimes he just liked to show off.

While he focused on that, I really looked at him knowing there was less chance of him catching me. My eyes immediately rolled noticing how his favorite  _Stray Rats_  hat was barely sitting on his head like he was T.I or somebody. Dressed in some mint green  _GOLF_ swim trunks, a white tee and some high top Converse, he looked cute.

Since he decided to take the McLaren, he was comfortably slouched down in the driver's seat, legs wide to accommodate his height. He drove with one hand on the wheel and one either on his knee or on the clutch, fingers tapping just in case he needed to switch gears.

Which he did a lot of. Weaving in and out of traffic, racing his friends or random cars on the street. He just... had a deathwish. He was a thrill-seeker. Especially when I was in the car with him. He liked fucking with me.

This ride was pretty smooth, though.

I knew it was gonna be a long drive due to traffic at this time of day so I annoyed him early on by asking over and over again if he could let the top down until he finally caved. I smiled and closed my eyes when I felt the sun hit my skin. We didn't do too much talking after that, enjoying the scenery and the comfortable silence aside from sounds of traffic around us and the music shuffle on his phone. Moments like this were what I liked most about hanging out with him.

The closer we got, the fresher the air smelled as it whipped through my curls. Tyler was speeding now, officially leading the pack and happy to finally be off the main highway. On a practically empty stretch of road to Malibu Park, what should've been an hour long drive took us about 35 minutes.

Tyler hopped out first, leaving his doors up so he could keep the music going.  _For The Love Of You, Pts. 1 & 2 _by the Isley Brothers was blasting when I climbed out to finally stretch my limbs and admire the scenery... There were trees all around us aside for the path we took to get to this more secluded area of the lake. The water at the bottom of a couple of cliffs, perfect for cliff jumping or sitting on top and watching the sunset. A few of the rocks rested just above or a little below the water, so depending on how hot it got today I could decide to rest on either.

After pulling his shoes and socks off and throwing them in the car, Tyler walked to the water and checked the temperature with his foot.

Not being able to resist, I took a video of him from behind.

" **Yes, it's warm as fuck!** " He yelled, turning around with the biggest smile on his face as he pulled his hat and shirt off. Once he realized I was filming he growled playfully and rushed over, laughing and grabbing me. I screamed when he hoisted me up effortlessly over his shoulder and started running back to the car, laughing into his back for him to not drop me.

" **Since when can you pick me up?** " His back muscles flexed against my chest.

" **Uhhh, since always. I ain't no weak nigga. Film me again and I'mma throw you in.** "

I huffed in reply, mumbling  _whatever_ before poking him in his lower back hard until he felt like he made his point and finally put me down, setting me on my toes with his hands resting on my bare waist. I smirked and opened my mouth to say something smart but immediately shut it, suddenly aware of how close he was to me. My chest was pressed against his, drawing his eyes to the cleavage my purple bikini was creating. My stomach churned.

The last time we were this close was at the Christmas party, slow dancing...

Tyler's heart was pounding then but this time it was my turn, mine beating just as fast as I stared at him. He licked his lips, and a shy smile blossomed on his face as he realized he was caught. But he didn't make any effort to create distance, instead reaching up to play with one of my curls, trapped in his own thoughts. His throat bobbed nervously, mouth parting like he was about to say something...

Then we heard someone clear their throat from behind us. We broke apart quickly.

Shit.

Looking at my phone in my hand, the clip replayed, cutting off right when he tossed me over his shoulder. I stuck my tongue out at him defiantly, posting the video anyway.

 **@outrvge** :  _meet @ lake pic.twitter.com/h631lw_

@ **chxrryb0mb** : _ur so luckyyyyy, tell him i said he fine and happy birthday_ RT **@outrvge** :  _meet @ lake pic.twitter.com/h631lw_

@ **outrvge** : @ **chxrryb0mb** _w_ _ill do, cutie 😚_

" **Awwww, you niggas is cute.** " Jasper chimed in, walking up with a bag of Doritos and a knowing expression. I almost forgot they were even here. I'm sure Tyler did too. He made a face, popping him in the back of the neck.

" **OW!!!** " Jasper yelped, dropping his chip bag.

" **Uh huh, shut the fuck up nigga. Anyways, whose getting in? I know Blue's ass not, her hair clean.** "

I flipped him off.

He was right, though. I liked to swim but I preferred pools more than anything. Plus I just washed my hair yesterday. And it was something about black people and water that rubbed me the wrong way... Maybe slavery.

" **Aww, she don't wanna fuck up her bundles.** " Taco chided, ruffling my hair. He liked doing that now that he was officially taller than me. Everyone laughed while I swatted him away, punching him in the arm.

We spent the afternoon there. It really was a beautiful day to be at a lake.

The music kept playing, mixtures of genres all fitting to the birthday boy's taste but somehow all seeming to fit, adding to the ambiance. Taco, Jasper and Tyler blew up floats and splashed around in the water, eventually getting the nerve to climb up to the top of the cliff and take turns jumping in. Me and Carter were laid out after slathering on sunscreen, tanning at the shore on a blanket I found in T's trunk. I even brought nice sunhat and a book to read.

Carter was really cool to hang out with.

She was bubbly and goofy and it totally made sense why Jasper was obsessed with her. We caught up some, talking about life and cracking jokes about the guys and cackling at how they were screaming like bitches as they jumped off the rocks, even taking some super secret videos for future blackmail.

" **Whenever Davon tries me, I'mma play this video of him screaming for his mama.** " She smirked, sitting her phone back down and adjusting her lime green bikini top.

I snorted at the thought.

" **That'll fuck him up.** "

Flipping to the next page in my book, I realized I hadn't actually read the page before. I sighed, irritated at myself. Then I turned the page back to try again for the fourth damn time. I was distracted.

My brain was moving a mile a minute. What the fuck was going on? What would've happened if we were alone...

" **So...** "

" **SoOoO...** " I mocked, knowing where this was going.

" **Soooo. What was that??** "

" **What was what?** "

Carter just stared at me, unsatisfied with my answer. I wasn't that good at playing dumb.

" **You know what I'm talking about...** "

I shook my head reluctantly. " **No, not really.** "

" **Babe, you been reading the same page for 45 minutes.** "

I closed my book and sat my hands on top of it. Okay, maybe I was caught. Tyler yelled out into the air, catching my attention as he stood at the top of the highest set of rocks with water glistening off his chest. He danced, going bar for bar along to  _Mr. Me Too_ by The Clipse playing from his car. I felt myself smile, staring until I spaced out... Sometimes he looked lanky in clothes but his body was lean and muscular. Defined, in places.

And his shoulders were apparently broad enough to carry me on with no problem, which I hadn't noticed until today... and his hands -

Carter waved her hands in front of my face, snapping me out of my thoughts. The embarrassment on my face from getting caught  _again_  made her shake her head and laugh. She already knew where my mind was at.

" **Y'all been looking at each other googly-eyed all day.** " Even though she was right I scoffed at her anyway.

" **Right. Shit's changing.** " Only thing was, what did that mean for us? For anything...


	11. highlights [instagram]

**outrvge** when you need to get dressed to go to a listening party but a nap compels you 😩

Liked by  **feliciathegoat** , **alexandria**  and  **11,586 others**

_View all 47 comments_

**feliciathegoat** get your ass off my bed and go put on clothes doofy

↳  **outrvge** _@_ ** _feliciathegoat_** don't be mean to me or I wont go 😪

 **feliciathegoat** @ ** _outrvge_**  smh we gonna be late

 **kcnvrmnd 😍**  tell cudi I said hi

 **kcnvrmnd**  also, did you dye your hair?

↳  **outrage**   _@_ ** _kcnvrmd_ 😚**thank you bbymama! if I find him and can articulate words lmfao I will also noooo, it's a wig chile

 **randomuser** you're so pretty it's not fair

 **asaprocky**  YALL IN NY???? COME TO THE STUDIO AFTER

↳  **feliciathegoat** _@_ ** _asaprocky_** no ****

↳ **outrvge** _@_ ** _asaprocky_ 😂**this nigga a hater bro, sleepy man T too old to hang out afterhours but I'll try to slide through

↳  **feliciathegoat** @ ** _outrvge_**  WTF

 **randomuser2** listen to my mixtape!!! soundcloud.com/somebullshit


	12. no more parties in LA*

" **Is it too late for you to take me back to the hotel?** " I mumbled, tugging at the bottom of my purple bodycon dress. Tyler opened the door for me, helping me out of the SUV.

Cameras were flashing everywhere at the entrance of Madison Square Garden for  _YEEZY SEASON 3_  / _The Life of Pablo_ listening party. I'd already been around a fair share of musicians and artists in the industry; some who lived up to my expectations and some that just, didn't... so I usually knew the decorum and what to expect for these types of events. But this... this was one of the biggest things I'd ever been invited to. I just didn't wanna fuck it up.

Tyler could sense that I was freaking the fuck out on the inside so he threw his arm around my shoulder for moral support as we walked through the parking lot to the sidewalk, Vil in tow.

" **Don't flake, we already late. Plus, I got you.** " I nodded, taking the comfort he was offering and tucking myself into his side. I appreciated the gesture especially with all the madness around us. Even with heels on, T was still taller than me so I fit right under his arm.

Once we got to the venue, paparazzi were at the entrance calling for Tyler to look in their direction, bringing attention to the fact that he was there all for the love of a photo op. It was easy to forget how well-known he actually was since he was so,  _normal_... or as normal as someone I've known for  _years_ had become to me, until I saw how other people's faces lit up when he entered a room or how flashing lights and cameras seemed to follow him everywhere when we were in public.

Meanwhile, I felt like a deer in headlights.

Sure I had been photographed by paps before... but, none of those experiences were actually very good. It just reminded me of Frank and how stressed out he would get at events like this. I usually had to keep us both together, sometimes he was drunk even which caused a lot of drama between us and made it impossible for me to relax. I felt my anxiety levels rising, subconsciously pressing myself further into Tyler's side. Looking over at him, he seemed unphased by this part, way less bothered by it than I was and way more focused on just making sure I was good. He moved his hand to the arch of my back, keeping me in front of him while the MSG staff lead us down the ramp they set up to walk us down to the arena floor.

Maybe I should try to calm down.

The stadium was full of fans aside from one section filled with security and enough fur to send PETA into cardiac arrest. The Kardashians had to be nearby.

_Beautiful morning, you're the sun in my morning, babe, nothing unwanted..._

We ended up pit level. Kanye had a turntable setup with his MacBook where he was playing his new album from. The whole crowd seemed to explode. Cudi and Kanye were bouncing around together less than 3 feet away from me, super hype about everybody's reaction.

I was a little confused by the neon beige sheet over the stage but this was some typical weird Ye activity based on the stories that I heard over the years. The crowd of celebrities behind him was  _craaazy_ , and here we were  _in it_. Apparently, it was being live-streamed by  _Tidal_  by the looks of the branding and the cameras sweeping back and forth around the arena. Being this close to people I've either always wanted to meet or work with had me, well, a little star struck.

" **Holy shit, you're** ** _famous famous_** **...** " I blurted out as I stared up at Tyler with wide eyes like I was meeting him for the first time, triggering his obnoxious ass laugh.

A couple heads turned to look at us. He stuck out like a sore thumb anyway, in his red vinyl Catwang varsity jacket, white  _GOLF_  hoodie and green pants. Everyone else seemed to get the memo to wear neutrals but us.

" **Dude, I'm around this shit all the time. Most of these niggas are so fucking boring... just tryna look cool, smoking weed, drinking and standing around in them dumbass outfits their stylists picked out. Nigga,** ** _ew_** **.** " The mildly disgusted look on his face as he looked around set me off, not able to resist laughing into my hand and avoiding making eye contact with anyone around us that could've heard him.

" **Oh my God, you are so bougie.** " I snorted. He really hated stereotypical rappers.

He shook his head afterwards, adjusting his red  _STRAY RATS_  cap before pulling me towards him and out of the way of another group of rappers walking through the crowd that I probably never would've seen up close in my lifetime.

I missed the reveal but looking out, stage area was full of models and rappers dressed in  _SZN 3_ with stoic expressions. Some of the designs were amazing...

_I'm about that Farrakhan, life is a marathon, I'mma shift the paradigm, I'mma turn up everytime..._

My eyes swept around, locking eyes with Big Sean across the crowd as I swayed to the music. He smiled but his brow was furrowed, maybe because I looked familiar... he was trying to place me. I definitely looked different now. 18 year old me would not be caught dead in a purple body hugging dress and heels. Or makeup. Or a wig.

Sean was always cool when I would hang out with Kacie, Alex, Barry and Chris and he would be around sometimes, but I was young as hell and a bit of a tomboy back then. He always looked at me like a little sister... but the look he was giving me was not brotherly, at all.

Curious, I motioned to head over and go speak... Tyler caught me by my wrist, pulling me against him again as he dramatically wrapped his arms around my waist.

I stared up at him, rolling my eyes at the smug look on his face and ignoring the weird feeling in the pit of my stomach.

" **Don't get any ideas. I'm cockblocking like shit tonight.** " He smirked, almost daring me to challenge him... and I did.

" **You're an ass. It's not like we're on a date or nothing. You being extra.** " I pulled my neck back. His head bobbed to the music, fingers tapping on my lower back where his hands were resting.

Tyler shrugged nonchalantly before rolling his eyes. " **So?? We could be. He don't know that. Niggas just be disrespectful nowadays...** "

Honestly speaking, I wasn't... uncomfortable. I felt like fresh meat; nobody really knew who I was but based on all the gazes I was catching, they wanted to... I felt like I didn't have enough clothes on, so I knew his arms would keep whoever was potentially plotting on me at bay... Inhaling, I instantly relaxed. He smelled great, as usual. The only thing that was making me nervous was the look in his eyes.

_What if we fucked right in the middle of this mother fuckin' dinner table? What if we just fucked at this Vogue party? Would we be the life of the whole party?_

My ears were hot under my hair so I tried to laugh off the tension, focus on something else. I must have looked comfortable enough to convince Sean something was going on because when I looked back, he was gone.

" **... you seriously mad he didn't assume you're my nigga?** "

I shook my head, laughing to myself. Saying it out loud made it even funnier.

" **Uh, yeah.** "

Before I could laugh in his face more and tell him how fucking ridiculous he sounded, he started to jump and rap along when the beat dropped, obviously off that conversation.

A very tall man draped in chinchilla bumped into the side of me. My mouth dropped as he apologized and left and I realized who it was.

" **Nigga, was that** ** _2Chainz???_** "

Tyler smirked and shrugged, flipping off someone from across the crowd before his attention turned back to me.

" **These niggas actually suck, but it's been cute so far to watch you fan out. Let's go say hi to Ye.** "

I looked at him blankly. _Eye_  was gonna meet Kanye West?!

" **Are you joking?** "

Laughing at the panicked look on my face, he grabbed my hand and dragged me off so I guess he wasn't.

________________________________________________

I decided right after about mid-album that I wanted a drink. Signaling to Tyler, he leaned his head down and I made sure to tell him that I'd be right back. He nodded and I gently pushed through the crowd until I was able to go up the ramp that led me out to the entrance again where the concessions were.

Some of the paps cleared out, more than likely waiting for the end of the event to come back and catch more shots of people leaving. I was glad though, because that gave me a clear enough path over to the bar to order something fruity without having to wait too long.

@ **outrvge** :  _i just met kanye west and now I'm on a kanye quest_

@ **outrvge** :  _I'm super lame.... my nerves bad y'all I need a drink LMFAO_

Teetering on my heels and waiting, I felt a tap on my shoulder.

" **Hey! Billie, right?** " Cudi said, unsure at first until I nodded and smiled, then he greeted me with a friendly hug.

" **Cudi! How you been, shit it's been a whileeee...** " I was genuinely happy to see him in good spirits, knowing it had been a rough couple of years for him.

" **I've been takin' it easy, man. What about you?** "

" **Just fucking life up one day at a time to summarize.** " We both laughed at that. I was surprised that he even remembered me cause he honestly wasn't around long. But Kacie had that effect on people.

Someone from his team signaled for him to c'mon once they got their drink order. He took my hand in between his.

" **Hey, I'mma jet, it was super nice seeing you. Tell Kacie I said what's up.** "

" **Will do! See you later, Cud.** "

I smirked, opening our text message thread... I couldn't wait to tell her this shit.

Soon after I was sipping my well deserved sangria, taking my time to walk back to the madness, enjoying having a moment to myself to think for a minute. Scrolling through my explore page, I saw a cute clip of me and Tyler talking and laughing from the stream posted on one of his fan pages.

 **golfwanginfo** T looks like he's having a great time 👀👀👀👀 at the TLOP / SZN 3 stream with @ **outrvge**  also, rocking a new white/embroidered GOLF logo hoodie coming later in the year hopefully. How do we feel about the possible new drop??

 **wolfgirl_x**  this is cute he looks so happyyyyy

 **trip6lyfe** @ **outrvge** marry me OMFG 😍

 **sunfl0wer** he looks nice, wonder why he's been hanging out with her so much... didn't she date Frank???? interesting

 **hypewang** @ **sunfl0wer** are you new here???? lol they're best friends dumbass

My eyes rolled as I scrolled through the rest of the comments. I usually don't do it but this was the first time in a while that T's fans paid me any mind since I usually stayed low key and I was curious. Had I been paying more attention, I would've been able to avoid running right into the back of the literal last person I wanted to see and almost dropping my drink.

" **My bad, I -** ** _are you fucking kidding me_** **?** " My good luck for the night had run out.

" **Don't sound so excited to see me.** "

" **And why should I be, Frank?** " I asked, crossing my arms defensively. " **I was having a great time until now.** "

Frank made a knowing face, chuckling and nodding sarcastically. " **I saw.** "

" **W** **hat's that supposed to mean?** " I was trying my best to keep my voice low since there were still people around.

" **You and T were** ** _reallllly_** **enjoying each other's company out there. Got niggas hitting me and sending me pictures before I even showed up.** "

I looked at Frank incredulously before laughing.

" **That's funny cause what I'm doing don't have shit to do with you. And honestly, fuck you and whoever felt the need to even bring me up to you after the bullshit you put me through.** " He clenched his jaw, taking a deep breath to contain himself. At this point I was on go.

" **Bullshit that** ** _I_** **put you through?** "

" **Yes, nigga.** ** _You_** **.** ** _You_** **made the choice to push me away!** ** _You_** **chose your addictions and your ego and your insecurities over** ** _me_** **, accused me of cheating and fuckin' left the country, not me. Now** ** _you_** **gotta deal with that.** " I emphasized, pushing my finger into his chest. He really didn't have shit else to say after that.

" **And now you're mad at me for living my life without you when you chose not to be in it? Bye, Frank.** "

The guilty look on his face was enough satisfaction for me. I tossed the rest of my drink down and left him standing there, shaking my head. The nerve of these niggas.

_R &B singers and lesbians, rappers and managers, music and iPhone cameras, this shit is unanimous for you, it's damaging for you, I think..._

Once I made it back, Tyler squinted, immediately noticing the irritated look on my face.

" **You good?** " He asked, concern all over his features as he rubbed my arm. I sighed, chewing my lip in thought.

I as much as I wanted to, I didn't want to tell him. After all, Frank was his friend and I didn't want to come between that in any way already knowing how he would react. So I kept it vague.

" **Not really. I just ran into an old ghost... but I will be.** "


	13. and the lights and the camera and the action [bonus]

**_ TMZ Exclusive: VIDEO - FML??? Frank Ocean and Ex-Girlfriend Exchange Heated Words at The Life Of Pablo Listening Party _ **

**_Last night, Kanye West held a star-studded event to debut his latest album and the next installment of his luxury fashion brand, Yeezy Season 3. The Kardashian clan was present as familial support, along with other big names like Pusha T, 2 Chainz, Kid Cudi, Lamar Odom, 50 Cent, Wale, Naomi Campbell and Anna Wintour to name a few. Although the celebration was definitely a victory lap for Ye, drama unfolded between some of the guests..._ **

**_Sources say that Tyler, the Creator brought his long-time friend, 23-year-old designer Billie Forester along with him as his date looking very cozy, seen cuddled up together and enjoying each other's company throughout the party and fashion show. Billie ran into ex-boyfriend, Grammy award winning artist Frank Ocean and the pair of them did not look happy while they exchanged words. Witnesses that saw the interaction first-hand describe it as 'intense' with 'violent body language'. Frank and Tyler have remained very close since meeting in 2009, so we wonder where this budding (love?) triangle will leave them._ **

**_Story is developing... videos after the cut._ **


	14. wdb, pt. i

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dream sequence smut me, please. Lmao, the chapter in which Meo sets everything straight!

_Hands. Masculine and warm. Big, all over me. And I can't see who it is. Reaching up and touching my face, I realize I'm blindfolded._

_That's how it always starts._

_My hands are free, so I could take the cover off my eyes at any time. But the anonymity excites me._

_Those hands that aren't mine slide up underneath my sleep shirt and I sigh as the cool air hits my skin, bare underneath it with my knees pressed together._

_A phantom kiss to one of my knees coaxes them open. Anxiousness has me breathing a little harder._

_His voice is warped, fueling the idea that he can be anyone I want him to be._

_I can almost feel eyes scanning my body, pausing to stare at the apex of my thighs before a curious set of fingers eases into my folds, sliding up to circle my clit gently. I'm already wet._

_My back arches off the bed and I make a soft noise, sheets twisting between my tense fingers._

_Lips graze the exposed flesh of my lower abdomen and then my ribs, planting a kiss there before my shirt rises higher, over my breasts._

_His mouth is way warmer than his hands._

_I shudder when he teases my nipples, biting my lip roughly as I reach up to hold the back of his head while he switches from one to the other, sucking, nibbling, flicking..._

_His mouth trails from my nipple back down to my stomach, and then he descends..._

_Heated breath against my inner thighs makes me tense up but he just laughs, holding them open as he whispers against my skin for me to relax._

_But who is it? I'm biting down on my lip to stop myself from moaning._

_The moment I feel his mouth around my clit, his fingers slide into me at the same time and I'm hit with an intense wave of pleasure that steals oxygen from my lungs and makes me gasp for air. My whole body feels like it's on fire and I'm ready to burn._

_Fuck._

_I squirm against his mouth, arching while I reach down and rub the top of his head. My legs shake almost angrily, fighting against the sensations he's creating with the pressure of his tongue. I feel my head tip back into my pillow, whining briefly before caving and whimpering his name._

_"_ **_Tyler..._ ** _"_

I woke up with a jolt. My heart was racing.

Blinking repeatedly, I realized I was alone. Thank God. Snatching the covers off, I frowned discovering I had on the same shirt I did in my dream, the front of it damp with sweat. It felt too real... just like all the other times. All I could do was flop back down on my bed and groan into my pillows.

Not this shit again. I just wanted to sleep.

________________________________________________

I couldn't stop thinking about it and everything else.

Even though I was physically at my desk, my mind was still sitting up in my bed at the dead of night just as confused.

I honestly had been living life in a haze since the  ** _TLOP_** event in New York a month ago. Between the (now obvious) flirting me and T were doing to running into Frank after  _months_ that night and all that turning into a headline about a love triangle, I didn't know what the fuck was going on.

Everybody I knew assured me I didn't have anything to worry about once that  **TMZ**  story started circulating and finally made its way to me, but once again I was in a position where all my moves were being watched and it was irritating.

But... as irritated as I was, I made a vow to myself after Frank to never let social media or that gimmicky industry shit make me revert back to who I was before.

No.

I was still hanging out with whoever I wanted to. Still having the time of my life.

Two weeks after the drama and I found myself back in Indio, under dressed and shivering again but enjoying every minute of it.

I never realized I was the only girl in an "all boys club" until Coachella. Tyler and Rocky bickered the whole time... which I was starting to realize was normal for them the more we hung out. Jasper, Taco and Tyler were snapping away with their disposable cameras and pulling me on rides I wasn't even dressed appropriately enough for.

At the end of the night we ended up hanging out with Kanye again, which I made it a point to apologize to him about the whole Frank thing. He was cool about it, shrugging it off. Once I got that off my chest it was easy to go back to being shook. Whenever he said something to me in conversation, I would just stare at him in surprise like  _are you talking to me????_ and wait for confirmation of that to answer which made him laugh, so I think he either a) liked me or b) thought I was fucking goofy and found it funny.

Maybe I'll ask Tyler later. Speaking of.

Me and T ended up alone during most parts of the early morning aside from Vil, and I couldn't figure out if that was planned or not... But once I got over how weird it was for us not to be surrounded by his friends... I decided not to get defensive like I usually did and act completely unaware or deflect my...  _feelings_  (????? I wasn't too sure about them yet, but  _something_  was happening), and we actually ended up having a great time together.

I was starting to catch him looking at me like I was the only person in the room often, and he when realized I caught him he would blush and laugh and look away with a lame ' _my bad_ ' or ' _fuck, sorry_ ' which made me smile big and my ears  _burn_. Eventually T put his arm around my shoulders as we walked and talked, and he made sure I was good like he always did, but this time I noticed it earned us looks from a few new people.

But I was more concerned about churn in my stomach, the butterflies. Fuck.

Coachella was fun, though.

I got back to my room, on a high I haven't felt in a while and my phone went off with a new notification.

**@fucktyler:** _found someone new to be infatuated with. songs of imaginary situations and the lurking of your existence shall be_

Cue the dreams.

It turns out that being productive at work can be increasingly difficult while only running off a couple hours of decent rest. Another night filled with very explicit fantasies about Tyler had me on edge because like, what the fuck?

I was  _this_  close to looking at my roster and seeing who could come put an end to all this sexual frustration.

Meo dropped by my office to talk about a new social media marketing technique he wanted to try with a client, but when he opened his mouth all I could hear was  _whomp whomp whomp_  like I was on  _The Charlie Brown and Snoopy Show._

The fact that I was distracted pissed him off a little, waving his hand in front of my face until I was present enough to see that he was disgruntled.

" **Umm, hello?! Earth to Ms. Bosslady. Permission to do some work today, sis?** " Meo sung, waving the folder in the air.

I rubbed my closed eye sockets until I saw spots. Shit. Shaking my head, I smiled apologetically before I saw his hazel eyes roll as he suggested that maybe I should leave the office for the rest of the day. Honestly, that didn't sound like a bad idea beside the fact that I was using work as a way to distract myself...

From thinking about his big hands. Warm...

" **Sorry... I'm having a fucked up day. I'm tired... barely got any sleep again last night.** "

" **Aww. Still having them nightmares, boo?** " He questioned, pouting in pity as he slid into one of the chairs in front of my desk and made himself comfortable.

Hearing him refer to whatever was going on in my head at night as ' _nightmares_ ' made me wince internally, but that was my fault.

When I first mentioned what was going on a little over a week ago, I didn't really get into detail other than that waking up from them over and over was keeping me up at night... so for all he knew, that's what they were. Bad dreams. Nightmares. But it was much, much more complicated than that. In fact, the terror was having to force myself to wake up and realize after a few times that they weren't really unwanted at all.

What the fuck.

Putting my head down on my desk, I looked back up at Meo. " **I got a confession... they're not exactly...** ** _nightmares_** **. More like... fantasies, I guess, I dunno...** "

He perked up, smirking.

" **Oooh shit. Like, you fuckin' somebody in your sleep? It's okay boo, thinkin' about dick be keepin' me up at night too sometimes.** " His head tossed back in laughter, making me suck my teeth at his obvious amusement.

" **You ain't shit, meanwhile I'm deadass five seconds away from a panic attack.** "

" **Why? Girl, just enjoy it-** "

" **It's not about the** ** _dream_** **, Meo... it's about who's** ** _in_** **the dream, doing the stuff...** "

His eyebrows raised.

" **Oop?! You fantasizing about somebody you can't have... ooo, that's spicy - bitch is it me? I mean... I'm a bad bitch. Don't get me wrong, you pretty as hell, but - have you seen my man?!** " I couldn't hold in my laugh, even though I really wanted to cause he played entirely too much.

Laughing did make me feel a little better about it, though.

" **I'm convinced you don't take shit serious at all, bruh. They're about a friend... -** ** _no, not you_** **, nigga. Before you start up again.** "

Meo narrowed his eyes at me. " **You being vague as hell even though it's too late for all that and they already cracked ya back a few times mentally soOoOo, who is it?!** "

Here goes nothing.

" **It's um... it's Tyler.** " Meo just stared at me for a while as he sat silently in thought, which unsettled the fuck out of me.

Was I wrong?! Was it just too weird?? Fuck, what was I going to do... my mind was going into overdrive and I didn't know how to feel.

My eyes widened at him. He eventually nodded and made a knowing face.

" **....well, he** ** _is_** **fine - sorry.** "

" ** _Nigga_** **?! You ain't no help. Ugh...** " My forehead hit the desk with a  _clunk_.


	15. she [instagram]

**outrvge** sleepygirl blue 😴

Liked by  **nattybrat** ,  **feliciathegoat** ,  **pharrell** and  **27,383 others**

_View all 2672 comments_

**outrvge** pharrell just liked this photo.... I'm dead bitch, RIP

 **pharrell**  haha, all love!! 👑👑👑👑👑

↳  **outrvge**   ** _@pharrell_**  OMGGGGG 💙

 **nattybrat** where'd you get that sweater?! loooove it

↳  **outrvge**   _@_ ** _nattybrat_**  h&m, bbyg

 **outrvge** self timer in the driveway did me right this morning 

 **alexandria**  cozy af

↳  **outrvge**   _@_ ** _alexandria_** you know it tbh, the hoes love me cause im cuddly ☺

↳  **alexandria** ** _@outrvge_** bitch 😂

**feliciathegoat 😳😳😳😳**

↳  **outrvge** @ ** _feliciathegoat_**  thanks, champ ☺

↳  **feliciathegoat**   _@_ ** _outrvge_** did you just son me??? smh

↳  **outrvge** @ ** _feliciathegoat_**  lmfaooooo ....maybe

 **bolfgoy** hit me up, im tryna fuck

↳  **outrvge**   _@_ ** _bolfgoy_**  blocked... doofy ass nigga

↳  **feliciathegoat**   _@_ ** _bolfgoy_** do that stupid shit on her ig if yall want and see what happens LMFAOOO dumbass 😂 embarrassing yourself

 **estrella__** you're so prettyyyyyyy, waow. hair goalssssss

 **faithnbloom @feliciathegoat** date herrrrr, I ship it  _#bryler_

 


	16. awkward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> inspired by [this photo](https://d.wattpad.com/story_parts/773935992/images/15bc33fddd17a788840600222082.jpg)

Taking Meo's suggestion, I ditched the office because I wasn't doing shit productive anyway.

He told me he would call if anything came up.

I did some retail therapy up and down Rodeo Drive, spending most of my afternoon deep in my head trying to figure some shit out while deeply denting my pockets. It helped a little bit... but by the time I hit the highway, I was fed up and annoyed with myself from almost overthinking myself into a vegetative state.

I decided to stop by Tyler's on my way home to try and talk to him so I texted him, already headed in his direction.

**Blue**

Aye lil mama, where you at?

**Tiko**

Jasper's bitch ass flaked on Chick Fil A... smh

**Blue**

I'm like 20 mins away from your house

I could meet you...?

**Tiko**

Nigga yesssssss

The one by UCLA

I'm omw

The sun was just about gone when I got there. It was empty aside from him, which was unusual for this time of day, especially being close to a college campus. He was already sitting in one of the booths with his favorite green hoodie on and his phone in both hands, busy...

The sound of the door chime made his head turn and we met eyes, both smiling.

I walked over and playfully tugged on the brim of his green hat before taking my seat across from him and cuddling up in my cardigan.

" **Hey, how was the drive?** " Tyler asked, fixing his hat under his hoodie before sitting back and stretching his long limbs out.

" **Safe. Unlike yours, I was closer to here than you and somehow you beat me.** "

I imagined his ass speeding down the hills like a maniac and all I could do was roll my eyes.

" **You be driving your shit like a grandma, that's why.** " He said, genuinely laughing afterwards like he told the funniest joke. Him having the nerve made me scoff.

" **My driving is perfectly fine. I'm just tryna make sure we don't have to unwrap** ** _your_** **ass from around a tree soon... you're too cute to have to scrape off the road.** " I said, shrugging and looking at my nail beds.

I felt him staring, but I ignored it.

" **Hmph. You really care about a nigga, huh?** " He honestly looked a bit surprised, but in a good way. Meanwhile, I was looking at him like  _duhhh_.

" **I'm confused, am I not supposed to...?** "

" **Nah, I like it when you nag me, it's cute as fuck. Anyways, when you tryna learn how to really drive a stick?** " Tyler smirked, his eye contact lingering a little longer than normal, making me blush and laugh nervously...

" **You're disgusting, you know that? And I'm not nagging.** "

" **Yes you are.** "

" **Whatever, I'm just expressing genuine concerns for a** ** _friend's_** **safety.** "

" **A cute friend, apparently.** " His face was smug.

" **What??** " I challenged, raising my brow.

" **You called me cute, like, 5 minutes ago. I ain't forget.** "

Oh. I did, didn't I? Slipped out.

" **So did you.** "

" **No, I actually said that** ** _naggy shit_** **you be doing is cute.** " He said, pointing at me and emphasizing heavily on the 'naggy shit'.

Hmph.

" **So, I'm not cute then?** " I asked as an afterthought, throwing a curve ball at him. He paused, stuck at first on how to respond before doing what he always did - saying the first thing that came to his head.

" **Huh? No - I mean -** ** _yeah_** **, you're cute as fuck. You're always cute. Like today.** "

Looking down at my outfit, I snorted.

When I planned on working at the office, I tried to go in dressy casual and actually put effort into my appearance just in case something came up and I had to meet with a potential client. But I was suffering from exhaustion as of late so... when I woke up this morning, I just said fuck it. I ended up throwing on a little makeup, a blush pink sleeveless tee, some high waist jeans and a long, comfy cream colored long-lined cardigan before stuffing my feet in some white flats, fluffing my hair up and heading out the door.

" **Yeah, sure. I look plain as hell, sir.** "

He just shook his head, laughing to himself.

" **Nigga, you're one of the baddest girls I ever met... and you're so fuckin' oblivious.** " He reached over and played with one of my curls, staring into my eyes like he was looking right through them. It felt like he was searching my soul or some shit...

My face immediately started to burn. I dropped my eyes nervously only for him to grab my chin and tilt my head back up, and I watched him lick his lips before meeting his eyes again. What I found was that look on his face again, like I was the only one he could see in a room full of people....

I could hear my heart pounding in my eardrums.

Our server cleared his throat in front of our table, bringing us back to reality.

" **Thank you for coming to Chick Fil A, my name is Ricky and it'll be my pleasure to serve y - holy shit, you're Tyler, the Creator!!! Woooow, bro I love your music!!** " I watched excitement spread on the boy's face when he realized who's order he was about to take.

Chewing my lip, I looked at Tyler as he retracted his hand, knowing he was already irritated by his clenched jaw. He hated being famous because of shit like this but the guy didn't mean any harm, so I hoped he wasn't about to be mean to him.

Plus we were the only ones there so it's not like he was going to attract a crowd or anything.

" **Thanks, man. I appreciate that.** "

Ricky was shook.

" **I can't believe this shit - can I get a picture?** " T made an unsure face at the request, not wanting to be a dick and outwardly say no and I laughed behind my hand.

" **We'll see dude, I'm hungry as fuck and I was kinda in the middle of something...** "

He seemed to have an epiphany at that moment, noticing me and my tomato face sitting across from Tyler, his mouth rounded into an 'o' shape.

The boy apologized profusely before taking our order.

Once he was gone, I distracted myself from the slightly awkward silence by playing with the napkin dispenser.

The inevitability of the last ten minutes was; I was really disappointed that moment was interrupted.

What if we didn't get another one?

" **Why you so nervous, stop that...** " He reached over and pulled my bottom lip from under my teeth with his thumb. I didn't even realize I was chewing it again.

Shit.

" **Cause... things are changing, T.**   **Everytime we're alone, stuff happens that we both just kinda have been brushing off for a few months now.** " I rubbed my eye sockets.

It was now or never.

He nodded in understanding, juggling his phone in his hands before putting it down and offering a casual suggestion.

" **Maybe we should, uh, date...? At least we could test some shit out before I try to kiss you again.** "

I blinked a few times, my brain trying to make sure I heard him correctly.

" **Us, date? You wanna date me?** "

Tyler made a face like,  _duhhh_.

" **Uh, yeah. For a few weeks... we take it super slow, keep it between us. Worst case scenario, it's weird and it fucking sucks, we go back to the way shit was before knowing that we tried and didn't bitch out or hurt each other.** "

I had to give it to him, it sounded like he put a lot of thought into the idea.

But I couldn't help being an asshole, just a little.

" **... so you want me to give you a free trial.** " His mouth dropped.

" **Wooooow, Blue.** "

" **What? I'm cool with it, I'm just letting you know now that some features only come with the full version.** "

A moment passed before we both started laughing so hard, it hurt.

Ricky came back with our food and we dug in, not wasting anymore time. Feeling a little better about things already, I relaxed a bit more...

" **So since we're conditionally dating, it shouldn't be weird to tell you that I've been dreaming about you. Please don't ask what they're about or I will throw myself out the window.** " It sounded so weird coming out of my mouth and watching him react. But hopefully I'd be able to fucking sleep afterwards.

Tyler's eyebrows raised, smiling big as he stuffed a waffle fry into his mouth.

" **That's...** ** _wow_** **, nigga. Okay... we're fucking in these dreams, huh?** "

I choked on my milkshake for what seemed like a long time.

" **Nigga didn't I say don't ask?! Shit, I just almost died...** " I gasped, inhaling much needed air.

He just smiled softly, holding his forehead and chuckling. I couldn't help but sneak a picture while he wasn't looking, so cute....

" **Our first date and you talking about sex dreams and choking on milkshakes nshit, goofy ass.** "

" **So? You like it.** "

" **Maybe so...** "


	17. wdb, pt. ii

There was a short beige velvet love seat conveniently placed against a wall of Tyler's favorite pictures that I claimed as my spot while he focused on his computer on the opposite side of the room, working.

I perched my head in my hand, watching.

It was interesting to watch him make music, seeing his passion and talent overrule the battle he normally had with things keeping his interest... The fact that he had different trains of thought was actually a superpower when it came to producing. Tyler never got stuck on one thing, when he made it as far as he could on one project he was already on to the next, perfecting that instead...

His hands were busy clicking through drum kits and tinkering with both of the electric keyboards stacked on top of each other. I knew he was thinking, rubbing the side of his head and using his hands to mimic the patterns of different instruments to find the right rhythm. At his request, the unfinished track started playing and he bobbed his head to it, humming melodies stuck in his brain before he decided to record it. He seemed to be satisfied for now, sitting back as it looped until he turned his head to look at me, squinting, hat weirdly placed on his head.

" **You having fun staring? Cause if not, we could go do something else...** "

" **I am... I like watching you work.** " I meant that genuinely and I think he could feel it too, blushing and dramatically pulling his shirt over his head.

" **What the fuck? You're so tight. Most girls just fucking complain.** "

I pointed at him once he reappeared, smirking.

" **Lucky for you, I'm not most girls.** "

We both stared at each other, smiles easing across our faces before I motioned for him to come over.

" **C'mere.** "

He stood up and stretched his long limbs, hitting the space bar to stop the track before crossing the room. I grabbed his hands and pulled him down to sit next to me, catching him off guard.

Faking an innocent expression, I just shrugged and batted my eyelashes.

" **You were too far away.** "

Tyler laughed, reaching to pull my legs in his lap. I wiggled my toes in my socks, content.

" **You're a fucking dork.** "

" **So are you. Plus, I think you need a mind break.** " I looked over, searching his eyes for any sign that he was gonna challenge me on that and didn't find any.

I smiled in victory.

His eyes rolled but he accepted defeat anyway, relaxing next to me while rubbing my calves with one hand, stuffing his phone underneath the cushion of the couch with the other.

Two weeks had gone by since our first date (???) at Chick-Fil-A and we'd been spending a lot more time alone together. And it was nice and not too awkward now that everything was out in the open between us.

I tilted my head as I looked over at him, admiring his eyes and long eyelashes as he stared at me. Even with the room lighting, his eyes were the prettiest shade of copper...

My attention darted down curiously to his lips, half listening while he spoke. They looked... soft, making me lick my own before I realized I was missing something potentially important with the look on his face.

" **Huh?** " I'm sure I looked like a deer in headlights.

" **I was asking you about the beat but fuck that.** "

I didn't get a chance to redeem myself.

I got something else I wanted instead... he gave me that same expression I was starting to look forward to when I was around him... like I was the only one on Earth in his eyes, as he reached up to  hold my chin.

I tilted my head up expectantly. He smirked and took his time anyway despite my obvious anxiousness, taking in the moment. Tyler traced my lips and my eyes closed, waiting. There was a moment of hesitation, only a few seconds that took forever to pass...

Then, he finally kissed me.

I sighed gently into his mouth right before he pulled back a little, burying his hand into the hair on the back of my neck and rubbing my cheek with his thumb.

My body was moving with a mind of its own. I kissed him again, enjoying the softness of his lips while adjusting so I was straddling his lap, placing his hands on my ass over my jeans.

I could get used to this...

Kissing him felt natural. Comfortable. Easy. And that was great.

There was no hurry between us. Time was moving slow like in those 90's romance movies as they got more intense. My nails raked across the short hairs on the nape of his neck and he groaned into my mouth, which ignited something in me... I smirked, putting my full weight in his lap and holding his face as I bit down on his bottom lip to tease.  _Shit,_ he muttered, before growling and smacking my ass hard, pinning me down underneath him playfully and kissing on my neck. It felt good but also tickled, making me laugh and squirm while I halfheartedly tried to wrestle him off me, our legs dangling off the edge.

Tyler held my wrists, looking down at my red face and smirking.

" **Are hickies in the trial version?** " He leaned in, biting a particular area near my pulse and I couldn't help but moan, sliding my thighs up his hips.

I felt hands sneaking up the front of my shirt before we both turned in the direction of the sound of someone coming to the second floor.

" **Bro, why you not answering the phone?? Vil had to let me in -** ** _what the fuck goin' on in here_** **?!** " Rocky yelled from the stairs, looking at us through the railing with his mouth wide open.

Tyler threw his head back exasperatedly, cursing under his breath and rolling off me onto the green carpet with his arms behind his head. Then he stood up, squinting at Rocky with his hands on his hips. I coughed to hide my laugh.

" **Nigga,** ** _wow_** **. You got the worst fucking timing... ever.** "

Rocky bounded the rest of the way up with a big smile on his face.

" **Yooooo, my nigga T! This what we on now?!** " Tyler clapped him up anyway once he put his hand out, despite being obviously annoyed.

" **I have no idea what you're talking about. We were just hanging out.** "

" **...on top of each other, tho?** " Rocky joked, shrugging out of his jacket and tossing it across the back of the love seat.

Good point.

I nodded to myself at that logic and both of their eyes snapped over to me still sitting on the couch, watching them bicker as usual.

" **What?**   **It was a fair observation.** " I shrugged.

Tyler made a face like  _not helping_ , before pointing at Rocky.

" **Yeah yeah, just keep your big ass mouth shut Rakim.** "

Rocky raised his hands in surrender, laughing as he got comfortable next to me on the couch.

" **I gotchu. Listen, how I see it is that ain't my business to be sharin', brozay... but let a nigga know somethin'. Are y'all an item nshit?** "

I smirked, avoiding looking in T's direction altogether. I knew he was looking at me, waiting on me to say something like I was waiting on him...

" **I'm working on it.** " He said simply, smiling before going to sit back in front of his computer.

Rocky seemed satisfied with that answer, boldly adding that I could call him if Tyler  _fucked up_  and I busted out laughing.

What a hoe.

Tyler threw a dirty sock at him before turning halfway around to introduce the idea he had been working on, eyes sparkling.

" **Anyway, y'all listen to this. I'mma go crazy on this, it's like a horror movie intro and then the beat just gets** **fucking** **nasty and explodes like it nutted all over everything... I kept saying who dat boy in my verse so maybe that's the title....** "


	18. r o c k s t ★ r

**KC** _\+ Lex_

B you coming with us to brunch in an hour?

 

**B**

I’m out of the country, beloveds

 

 **Lex** _\+ KC_

…and you ain’t say nothing? Smh the unloyalty, where you at?

 

**B**

My bad lmfao I’m in Belgium bout to head out to this show

 

 **KC** _\+ Lex_

Belgium?! International hoe

 

**B**

LMFAOOOO

 

T called last night like he normally does and he was talking shit about taking me on a second date so I was like okay bet, something to plan when he gets back

This nigga was like lol NO I bought you a plane ticket bring your ass to Liège so you can come to this show with me 

I was like ….excuse me??? He crazy as hell but I’m here bitch jejdjjs

 

 **KC** _\+ Lex_

biiiiitchhhh

smuggle me back some snacks... like chocolate

 

 **Lex** _\+ KC_

A MAN WHO KNOWS WHAT HE WANTS TBH

 

________________________________________________

 

_@ **fucktyler**  _ _FUCK I MISS YOU :(_

_@_ **_fucktyler_ ** _SEE YOU SOON, NUMERO DOS :)_

_@_ ** _fucktyler_** _HOTTEST GIRL IN ART SCHOOL_ **_pic.twitter.com/xXfgb1_ **

**__ **

The hallways were dingy white, narrow and long as hell backstage of the venue. I was a little nervous. Being behind the scenes of… well, anything, normally made my anxiety a little high just from not knowing what to expect, especially after a couple of pretty awkward situations I’ve been in before. Tyler knew, making it a point to keep his hand in mine while he led, walking like he knew exactly where he was going even though I was sure this was his first time here, too. Vil trailed behind, winking at me when I looked back just to make sure he was still there.

We got to the end of the hallway where it turned into dark curtains and he finally stopped, looking over and squeezing my hand affectionately before bringing it up to his mouth to kiss the back of it.

“ **I’m so stoked you‘re here.** ”

He was so sweet, like saccharine. His affectionate side was becoming one of my favorite things about him.

“ **Me too. I can’t believe I’m in Europe.** ” 

My anxiousness fizzled out. Instead, replaced with a familiar churn in my stomach I was beginning to look forward to when he smiled at me. Things were still not being rushed, happening gradually but I couldn’t ignore my feelings and how they were developing. 

I was scared at first but I trusted him. 

Having fun with Tyler was organic, and the more I hung out with him I was beginning to see that even dating him felt, natural…

“ **Tonight is gonna be so much fun, what the fuck.** ”

I leaned, moving closer to him. “ **So are you finally gonna tell me who’s performing tonight?** ”

“ **It’s a surprise, nigga. Wait and see.** ” 

I stared at him blankly. Tyler just shrugged, a slick smile spreading as he moved the curtains and let me walk through in front of him. I felt a pinch on my ass, making me laugh and reach for his as he sideswiped past and ran away, screaming with his arms flailing. I wasn’t too far behind.

The closer we got to the pit of the crowd, the louder it got. I jumped on his back at the last second and playfully choked him, making Taco and Jasper shake their heads knowingly as we approached them and Carter who were standing off to the left waiting for the show to start. 

I tickled the back of his ear, laughing at how fast his shoulder came up to trap my hand.

“ **Chill, you know my ears are sensitive…** ”

“ **Or what?** ” I whispered in one, making him growl and pretend to toss me off his back.

“ **I’mma throw your ass in the crowd.** ” 

“ **You funny nigga.** ”

Tyler’s huge hands curved around my thighs, bouncing me once to shift me up and support my weight so I got comfortable, relaxing my arms around his neck with a hand resting on his chest.

At that moment, the lights dimmed and we moved down some more until we were standing at the center point of the stage.

The audience was deafening as soon as Pharrell walked out and I was there staring in shock. 

Wow.

 _Lose Yourself to Dance_ started to blast from the speakers and I couldn’t contain my excitement.

“ **TYLER ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?!** ” I clumsily climbed down from his back and onto my feet, pushing him with my mouth wide open until I just said fuck it and started jumping around.

Tyler stood there, smiling so wide his eyes looked closed which was honestly the cutest thing ever. I grabbed his hand, dancing and eventually persuading him to join me instead of staring and taking videos. I was having so much fun.

Best second date, ever.

I couldn’t help but fan out during Frontin’. I mean, who don’t like Frontin’?

My hips swung to the beat and Tyler rocked behind me, hand loosely wrapped around my waist. I turned around, throwing on a playful attitude as I rapped Jay-Z’s verse to him, Jasper and Taco hyping me up and Carter’s flash on as she recorded.

T did the little shoulder jig and I completely fucking lost it, my squeals making everybody laugh. 

Mid-way through, Pharrell did some throwback N.E.R.D. and early Skateboard P shit and I swear, between me and Tyler we were competing on who knew the most songs. If there was a bigger P/N.E.R.D. fan than me, it was him.

“ **She like the way my hands use her body for handwarmers, and all our car doors go up like Transformers, see I could do it this-a-way, I could do it that-a-way, to my crib out in Virginia to that new Miami get-away…** ” 

Tyler recited flawlessly, handing an invisible baton to me to finish the verse. I picked up right where he left off, imitating the way he moved when he was performing.

“ **So cool it like New Edition, ‘less you hot as you say, I get it, okay, let it boil away, but pleaaase run along cause ladieeees is feeling wrong, and I got something right for them right after this song-** ”

He was looking at me, eyes twinkling as he watched me get my life before deciding to come back in at the end to scream the end bar with me.

“ **MY NAME IS SKATE. BOARD. P!!!! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!!!!!** ”

________________________________________________

We had a few minutes to spare while everybody freshened up before we headed out to try to find some late night food in the city. 

Tyler and I headed back to my room since I needed to change my shoes.

I was a little hoarse, but I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face.

“ **I can’t believe your extra ass flew me out to a Pharrell concert for a second date.** ” I chided, standing in the doorway of my hotel room after opening it, looking at Tyler standing there with my head slightly tilted. 

He looked cute in his cheetah printed button up from Golf Wang, and the relaxed fit he had going on at the top with the first two buttons undone to show off his chains had me raising my brow at him like who the fuck did he think he was. Hands shoved into the pockets of the matching shorts, he pushed himself off the opposite wall and walked up on me, confident as ever and holding my eye contact.

“ **You say extra, I say extravagant. Whatever, you smiled the whole time so shit, I did something right. Right?** ” He challenged, moving my arm and sliding passed me, through the doorway.

I rolled my eyes at him and how he always just knew exactly what he was doing to me, shutting it behind us. 

The room was a little messy due to the process of me getting ready before the show but Tyler didn’t seem to mind at all, plopping down on the edge of the bed and taking his hat off briefly to relax, rubbing his head.

Thank God I didn’t wear any makeup, or I would’ve definitely sweated it off. My outfit was cool, a cream ribbed cropped top and some low rise bootcut jeans with patent leather Docs. Tyler complimented it a few times, saying I looked like I was on my 90’s shit as he spoke of the outfit paired with my head wrap.

I decided to take off my boots and replace them with low top Converse, immediately feeling better. Docs were cute to look at but after standing for a couple hours, my flat feet needed a break.

Realizing this was the first time since I’d been to Frankfurt that we’d been alone, I looked over at him before walking over, standing between his open legs and smoothing my hands over his shoulders. His muscles flexed under them and I heard him sigh, watched his eyes dart around curiously, taking in every part of me.

Then I held his face, leaning down to gently kiss him.

“ **Thank you for today, T.** ” I mumbled against his lips, followed by more kisses.

He hummed in reply, his warm hands creeping from my hips to my ass, cupping it with both hands and pulling closer to him. 

I raised a brow. 

Between my defiance and his mannish ways, we both were learning how to tease the shit out of each other without going too far… but also far enough for it to be exciting. I liked the way he handled me, it was never the same way twice. Sometimes it was with care, sometimes it was a little careless like now… I liked the surprise. We both decided we would play this game as long as we could, until we couldn’t...

Tyler smirked while licking his lips of my gloss, a mischievous twinkle in his eye.

“ **You’re welcome -** **_shit_ ** **, sorry… I been waiting to do this all day. You’re so soft and you smell so fucking good, it’s driving me crazy...** ” His head dropped, nose nuzzling my stomach before he found a spot that made me twitch, deciding to leave something there to remember it by...

X marks the spot.

I gasped and bit my lip fleetingly, watching him bruise my skin as my legs squirmed against his chest. 

“ **You’re always marking me up like I’m already yours.** ” I felt him smile against my skin and mutter _you will_ _be_ , activating the butterflies in my stomach.

He paused after a while, pulling back to admire his work and I tilted his head up in reply for another kiss, this time with a little extra.

There was a bang on the door, making me laugh and pull back from his bottom lip as T shook his head, probably thinking about how much he hated his friends.

I heard Jasper laughing in the hallway, Taco yelling, “ **c’mon niggas, I hope y’all not in there fuckin’ cause I’m hungry as shit!** ”


	19. ivy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which billie explores the past and forecasts the future.

**_@geauxbreaux:_ ** _ivy is so shady LOL_

 **_@geauxbreaux:_ ** _I wonder if_ **_@outrvge_ ** _heard/likes blonde…_

 **_@outrvge: @geauxbreaux_ ** _are you bored? it shouldn’t matter. stan for your fave beloved_

 

“ **God, remind me to mute everything having to do with this man ASAP.** ” I muttered, staring at my Twitter mentions on my phone in disdain before rolling my eyes.

Kacie and Alex were at my apartment and everything was set up for a movie night slash sleepover. _The Princess Bride_ was first on our list and we were putting the finishing touches on all the snacks and drinks before starting.

Alex thrusted a premade shot into my hand and I took it, no questions. The burn hit my throat and made me hiss afterwards, sipping some of my already spiked daiquiri to chase it down.

“ **Same… apparently now he on a stream building some shit on an endless loop for a thousand hours…? None of it makes sense.** ” Alex shook her head, shrugging before leaning in to grab out of the huge _Tostitos_ bag I had in my hand. 

I sucked my teeth and bundled up into the corner of my couch. “ **It probably only makes sense to him just like every fuckin’ thing else he does.** ”

Kacie walked back from the kitchen into the living room holding a bowl of freshly prepared queso, sitting it down on my coffee table before plopping down between us and pressing play.

“ **I still wanna cut that nigga ‘cause,** **_giiiirl_ ** **… you literally saved him from getting stabbed** **_several_ ** **times, how did you deal with that headass shit?** ” She passionately interjected, helping herself to some chips as well. 

I opened my mouth to reply but stopped short, realizing that I never really _had_ to deal with it until our relationship got worse for wear. It was fun at first, being with somebody who took the reigns because it meant that I could sit in the passenger seat so to speak, take care of him in some ways I always wanted to romantically while he took care of me.

_As you wish, princess..._

It worked out initially, until we got to the point where I realized he liked things to be his way or no way all the fucking time. I think he liked his idea of me wanted to change me into it, morph me into something I really, truly, honestly, wasn’t. I wasn’t docile. I wasn’t tame. I wasn’t submissive. I could be all those things, my love language made me adaptable but consistently having to pull back my personality and be this polished version of me felt unnatural.

Love makes you stupid. I tried it up to a point. Then I started to rebel against what I can see now was that same energy I always hated in relationships.

He lost whatever control he thought he had over me, lost control of himself, his life, his career, his music as different things happened afterwards; his dad suing him for slander, sending him into the worst depressive episode I’ve ever seen him in… he couldn’t work through it so he suffered. Then another set of lawsuits came, companies were holding him accountable for flaking out on major contracts… he was losing money quickly. The stress of it all was too much. The darkness he was in was causing him to make irrational decisions like “quitting music” and leaving his management team, turning his back on Kelly and Clancy after all they’d done for him.

Then he started drinking to escape it all.

I stuck around for all that too. I was used to dysfunction. Became his emotional punching bag, still trying to be there for him until I couldn’t take it anymore. Let him tell it, there was no wrong done on his end.

“ **Like you say all the time, it worked until it didn’t.** ” I finally replied, shrugging.

It was quiet for a while as we continued to watch the movie.

Normally I was always on the inside looking out when it came to Lonny for as long as I can remember. It felt strange to now be on the outside looking in. And _months_ later, after the smoke was finally settled it was still weird being the last one to know.

All the things I knew about his well-being up until this point, I found out by accident. Not because I asked… or that people cared to tell me, including him. They just kinda slipped out in conversation, by habits of people to assume I knew already so I didn’t blame them. 

It was all just a strange thing for everybody to get used to at first... Billie without Lonny. Or Frank, now…

 **_@outrvge_ ** _:_ **** _...hey, stop tryna start shit. im doing great. hope he’s doing great, dealing with whatever he gotta deal with. and congrats on the project._

 **_@outrvge:_ ** _we moved in harmony for a minute and now we’re on separate paths, so respect that. it is what it is_

 _Blonde_ was finally out. It was named something else and sounded completely different when we were together, but just like me, he went through a phase where he tried to get rid of everything thing that reminded him of me just like I tried to scrub myself of him.

Of course I still cared about him. But I knew there would be no way I could be passive about him until there was some responsibility taken for his actions.

I threw myself into bettering myself. Unhealthily running away from him and into work. He threw himself into music, to partying. Into an album full of drunken, fragmented thoughts.

Some shit changed and some shit never would. We were a part of each other’s growing pains and his music was his coping mechanism. I still wasn’t used to hearing it for the first time along with everybody else after being such an integral part of the process. That weirdness, that connection would always be there no matter how much we both tried to disconnect, tried to kick and scream about it.

And I just had to remember that, figure out how to continue on with my life away from his shadow.

Like clockwork, my phone buzzed gently in my hand once those tweets sent out, so I checked my text notifications before smiling to myself.

**Tiko**

aye you good lil daddy?

**Blue**

Yeah, I’m good… kinda tipsy though lol

**Tiko**

get the fuck off Twitter then smh

If you tweet about my mouth one more time imma make you sit on it

Tyler’s response made me snort. He knew that me, alcohol and Twitter didn’t mix especially since the last time. I tended to tweet the first thing that came to my head when I was drinking, no filter. Which in his case, recently… may not have been the best idea since my thoughts about him have been pretty much one track. 

At least I didn’t at him in it.

**Blue**

Don’t threaten me with a good time I may actually take you up on it and let you take advantage of me 😌

And drown you cause you always talkin shit

But not tonight sadly :-( it’s girls night remember??

KC and Lex would beat your ass, they haven’t seen me in so long cause of you 😂😂😂😂

I was still giggling as I replied, making Alex and Kacie look over at me and raise their brows in unison so I showed them the texts. 

Alex laughed and shook her head.

“ **I mean… you didn’t lie. Last time your ass was in Berlin? Was it Berlin?** ”

“ **It was Germany, actually.** ” I corrected, smirking and stuffing a queso covered chip in my mouth.

Kacie, however, still looked confused as she sat between us. “ **...so, you still ain’t sit on his smooth ass face?** ”

Alex answered before I had a chance to, her laugh threatening to break out as she spoke, “ **now you know they’re taking things slow, Kacie…** ”

**Tiko**

Now you talking shit????

Haha imma remember that 

“ **Not yet… and you** **_knooooow_ ** **how much I want to ruin his life, but y’all already know I’m a tease.** ”

“- **cause you ain’t shit, probably torturing that man.** ” Alex giggled.

At this point it was the other way around. He could never keep his hands, mouth, or other things away from me… he was breaking me down.

“ **He not either. Y’all should see what he be doing to me!!!** ” Shifting further into the couch, I pulled down the waistband of my pajama pants to show the fading hickies on my lower torso and hips.

My friends looked at each other knowingly, erupting in laughter again at my expense.

Kacie leaned in, inspecting the marks before shaking her head and her finger at me. “ **That’s what your ass get. You done met your match and now you see how that shit feels.** ”

“ **Is it bad that I really like it? Like… I like himmmm and he knowssss. He keeps mind fucking me and I like that, he’s fun, he’s interesting, talented, observant, spontaneous... and his** **_mouth,_ ** **ugh. What he does with it, what comes out of it - I just feel like once we... you know,** **_do it_ ** **, there's no coming back from that and I’m not tryna lose him. He’s too important.** **_Plus_ ** **, I dated his friend so we both agreed to going turbo turtle speed until we decide it’s a thing.** ” The words flew out of my mouth like word vomit so I knew I was pretty sauced.

**Blue**

Remember it then 😛

Btw I miss youuuu, can’t wait to see you later and kiss on your faceeee

**Tiko**

Wtf why are you so fucking cute

“ **Could you see yourself falling in love with him, B?** ” Alex’s words rang in my head after she said them, making me sit back and think about it for a moment.

It didn’t take me long to answer.

“ **I could, in the future... he makes it feel so easy. Wow, that’s craaaazy. Didn’t I say I wasn’t dating anymore celebrities?** ”

Kacie smiled knowingly, after turning her head from Princess Buttercup and the Dread Pirate Roberts to look at me.

“ **Believe me girl, I’ve been there. He may be a celebrity to everybody else but to you, he’s just** **_Tyler_ ** **, so let it happen.** ”

The thought of him being just  _'_ _Tyler’_ to me made me smile ‘cause that’s exactly who he was. Maybe the answer was under my nose all this time….

 **_@outrvge:_ ** _as the wind blows in passing, baby i could fall in love with youuuu...._


	20. g u s h

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I'm popping in to say thank you, again for helping me reach another milestone on this story. I'm at 5K reads on Wattpad and that shit is craaaazy for me to even think about ;-; I had one or two more chapters before this one timeline wise but I lit chrally scrapped them and decided I'll release them later as one-shots, maybe (????). But y'all deserve this for keeping up with Causers this long and I can't thank y'all enough. Also, shoutout to my frienddddd Jay for her encouragement thus far! Here's some much anticipated steam, just a little...

I crawled into Tyler’s bed, getting cozy as he settled in front of his keyboard to finish up some new music he was working on. After deciding to make things official to kick off the new year, we also decided to continue to take things slow since we both had a tendency to dive head first into anything new. 

It was hard to keep it to myself, to pace myself. Sometimes in mid conversation, our eyes would smile and linger on each other for a minute or two more than usual and I just wanted to scream that he was mine from the top of a mountain. I could watch him do things I’ve seen him do a million times and make new discoveries about him that I never really paid attention to before. 

He learned how to stimulate me in other ways that I appreciated. We had fun together. We spent time alone together, just enjoying each other’s company.

Nine months of excitement and borderline torture and memories that made it all worth it in the end. I’d never waited this long with anyone… this was different. 

I could tell his mind was elsewhere just by watching him for a few minutes. The unfinished beat started at first when we got comfortable and then it played and played afterwards with him bobbing his head to it half-heartedly, tinkering at the keys, but not committing to anything.

He rubbed the back of his neck before sighing and reclining in his chair for a second. With a quick tap of the spacebar, the music stopped and he turned around to me with a coy smile on his face.

“ **You’re so fucking distracting.** ” 

“ **I didn’t even do anything...** ” I faked innocence. Fighting a grin, he rolled his eyes playfully and walked over to the bed, climbing between my legs until he was hovering over me.

“- **But stare at me with those** **_fuck me_ ** **eyes. I can feel that shit.** ”

Well...

“ **It only counts if tonight ends with you blowing my back out.** **_Kidding_ ** **.** ” I teased, tapping his nose with my finger. He grunted in reply, spacing out as the visual I created silenced him probably. Only a part of me was joking, the other part, shit…

I am human, and humans have needs...

Tyler squinted before snorting in laughter at me talking shit.

“ **I’mma fuck you up.** ”

“ **Fuck me up, then.** ” I challenged, making him smirk.

The smile hit his eyes but he didn’t say anything.

I could tell by the way his eyes were darting around that he was taking mental pictures, not wanting to forget this moment. 

I liked to explore my limits, so I crawled my fingers up his back from under his shirt. His skin was soft and smooth. Sweeping my palms across, I admired how it stretched across his muscles... which I always found myself surprised at how defined his build was in comparison to how he looked with clothes on. He flexed under my touch which only made me want to dig my nails into his shoulder blades even more… so I did.

The feeling seemed to snap him out of his daydreams. He blinked softly at the sensation of my nails raking against his spine, eyes flickering downward to stare at my lips before our gazes met again only to make me blush.

“ **I thought about some shit like this before,** **_fuck_ ** **… you’re a dream in my bed.** ” Tyler mused, using one of his hands to move some curls out of my face. 

I rubbed my fingertips against the nape of his neck and his eyes closed before he responded with a low noise from his chest that made me squirm underneath him. I didn’t know how to reply to that with words but apparently my body was communicating just fine.

I heard him clear his throat.

“ **Can I get a kiss?** ” He asked softly, cupping my face in his hand. I looked at him, curious.

“ **Why’re you asking? Just kiss me.** ” His thumb rubbed my bottom lip expectantly. 

“ **I wanted to hear you say yes…** ”

I nodded, heart beating out of my chest. “ **Yes, then.** ”

The moment our noses touched, warmth and anxiousness spread from the top of my head down through my limbs, setting my nerves on fire. I tilted his chin up, helping him close the gap between us as his mouth eagerly pressed against mine.

We moved slowly like we never kissed before, like it was the first time all over again. The cliché fireworks people normally said they saw behind their lids morphed into a beautiful storm of explosions, glitter and confetti raining down from every direction after my eyes closed.

His hand wrapped around my throat and I immediately reacted, moaning softly and arching under him which he seemed to like...

I responded to stimulus, rolling us over so I was on top. Using my new vantage point, I rubbed my hands up his t-shirt until he got the hint and pulled away for the longest second ever just so I could get it off. In true Tyler fashion, his ears got stuck halfway through causing us both to laugh breathlessly at the awkwardness like two teenagers. 

He pulled it off after a moment, tossing it to the floor. I was still giggling when he sat up and buried one of his hands in my hair and kissed my forehead, then my nose, topping it off with teasing my top lip with a gentle peck. I adjusted my hips on top of him, making him grab one and he pull me down against his erection as he groaned into my mouth.

“ **I’m hard as** **_fuuuuuuck_ ** **, shit…** ” Tyler sang, out of breath as he flopped down on his back and rubbed my ass. “ **Why are you so soft?** ”

His hands tickled, making me giggle and squirm a little more against him. 

His breathing was shallow and so was mine, heart pounding to match the rhythm settling between my legs. He was solid against my inner thigh and I bit my lip at the feeling, restraining myself from touching it. I felt powerful, though. Knowing I could have him right then if I wanted. 

So I basked in that a bit. Ran my hands up and down his chest, admiring his abs and how they flexed under my fingertips. Dug my nails into his forearms. Took his big hands, slid them under the back of my shirt, across my torso to feel the lace on my bra.

His eyes lit up after that. 

I decided I wanted to delight him even more so I pulled my shirt off.

“ **The better to tease you with, big bad wolf...** ” I responded, finally, in a whisper. The kisses in reply to that were just as soft as my voice was, or even softer, if I had to compare...

He trailed from my lips, down my jaw and across my throat, grazing my pulse point and landing in random spots on the expanse of my chest. He brushed his thumbs against the lace covering my nipples and I moaned, arching abruptly at the sensation before I cursed under my breath. 

My hips lowered, grinding against his erection and making him groan again. Shit. I was craving friction so bad I was two steps away from dry humping him... If we didn’t stop now, I was going to let him do whatever to me and I think he knew it too. 

Following my first instinct, I pecked him apologetically, crawling off him and the bed to create distance between us. After finding my shirt on the floor, I turned to him. The sight of him sliding to sit on the edge of his bed with that huge ass print in his shorts, staring at me like I was prey made me instantly regret my decision. But I knew I made the right one if we were gonna stick to taking it slow.

“ **Shit, I - sorry… maybe I should go.** ”

Pressing my back against his bedroom door, I closed my eyes to give myself a moment to catch my breath.

I heard Tyler walk across the room.

His hands grabbed mine with my shirt clutched in its fist and he gently took it away from me, kissing the knuckles.

“ **You should stay, please?** ” He insisted, tilting my chin up so I could look into his eyes and see how badly he wanted me there.

It was getting hard to listen to that sane voice in my head. My body was starved of touch for a while and here I had someone that wanted nothing more than to give me exactly what I wanted. 

I was scared.

Not scared of him, I was scared of doing this wrong. Scared of fucking up. I needed this, _us_ , to go right and for me to not self sabotage and end up with even less than I started with…

Rationality be damned, I wanted him though.

I ignored that cautious voice that sometimes kept me from what I wanted and kissed him again. I was tired of waiting. He smiled against my mouth at the possibility of getting what he wanted, pressing his hips against mine to pin me to the door so I couldn’t escape this time. 

The room got even hotter around us as his lips went to my neck, hands palming and gripping my ass tightly to keep me against his dick.

I tried to contain myself but every time his hips pressed harder into mine or he kissed, bit, licked, grazed a sensitive spot, I trembled and moaned and restraint eventually went out the window. He knew all of them at this point...

I felt his fingertips trail down the very small gap he created between us, down my stomach and slip into my leggings, gently rubbing his knuckles against the seat of my lace undies. I twitched… _fuck_. There was another moment’s hesitation, giving me all the time in the world to tell him to stop but I was too far to turn back now, and too curious... As soon as he slipped them to the side and found my clit, I cursed and moaned, hips angling into his hand for more.

“ **I just wanna watch you cum…** **_shit,_ ** **Blue. How many niggas get you wet from just kissing?** ” He teased, a cocky smirk forming on his face as he circled and flicked around the little bundle of nerves with his thumb. 

I opened my mouth to reply but coherent words were trapped in my head, replaced with little noises egging him on. It had been so long since someone else touched me other than me… my brain felt like it was melting. He kissed me again, sucking my bottom lip and a soft moan escaped as I arched away from the door, holding on to the back of his neck.

Tyler experimented with different types of touch and patterns against my clit, eyes glued to me, observing and watching my every move so he could figure out what I liked. I bit my lip hard, kinda embarrassed about how turned on I was but he didn’t give a shit, instead coaching me in his baritone voice to _relax_ and _let him make me feel good_ … so I did. I was drowning in the best way. 

My involuntary reactions urged him further, slipping his middle and ring fingers inside me. The winning combo.

_Fuck..._

“ **Unhh, shit Tyler…that feels** **_really goodddd_ ** **.** ” I whined softly, the rest of my composure long gone as I moaned and tipped my head back. He kissed my chest aimlessly before pressing his mouth against the side of my face. 

He was playing me like an instrument. The only thing that could be heard was my panting and the wet sounds of his fingers pumping in and out of my pussy.

“ **Mmm I know it does, you’re dripping down my fuckin’ hand….I need you to cum, though.** ” He mused, curving his fingers up and massaging my g-spot for emphasis. 

My eyes rolled closed and before I knew it, I was standing on my toes whimpering as my hips bucked and rolled into his palm, riding his hand.

I squirmed and gasped and gripped his arms tight enough to leave marks with my nails and shuddered and trembled roughly, orgasming so hard I felt my knees buckle under my weight and he used his hips to keep me up but didn’t let that  distract him from getting me off.

He groaned once my walls started to flutter around his fingers, the sound alone sending another rush of heat between my legs. My heart was pounding.

When I finally calmed down, I opened my eyes only to see him back up some and pull his sticky hand up to suck his fingers before humming. If I died right now, the cause of death would be the look of satisfaction on his face afterwards.

“ **Fuck, you’re sweet. And you sound so fucking good moaning my name. So good, shit… that should help me. For uh, yeah …when you leave and I jerk it.** ” He admitted shyly, blushing and moving his dick in his shorts to not make it so obvious. It looked like he was even harder than before…. No matter how much he tried to adjust, the fabric around the crotch of his shorts was straining, creating a pretty noticeable bulge. I could already tell he was big… 

Shit. The thought of him with his dick in his hand, thinking about me made me horny all over again. If I could just help him... Would I even be able to fit it all in my mou -

“ **Mmm, I - I really should go… restart my birth control, so um...** ” I said abruptly, cutting off my own train of thought and staring at his lap longingly as picked up my shirt from the floor, tossing it back over my head. 

We both laughed through the sexual tension, and he held my chin to peck me goodbye a few times instead of just once, pouting cutely afterwards because he didn’t want me to leave. 

The last thing I saw before I left was him going back to his keyboard, inspired again. 

I was too, as I left thinking about how to even the score...


End file.
